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EST. May 2000 (AD)

 
 

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LIBBY INTERVIEWS...
GWYNETH PALTROW

LIBBY INTERVIEWS...
GWYNETH PALTROW

Libby

Well let me look at you!!! My gosh you are so pale I can almost see through you!!

Gwyneth

Thank You.

Libby

You better sit down dear--can I get you anything? Some juice, an iron tablet?

Gwyneth

No, I'm just fine.

Libby

Well if you feel like you're going to pass out or anything just raise your pinky that way I'll know whether you are conscious or not.

Now hon, big picture of you on Vanity Fair --an "it" girl.--You know, when I was a girl the Rudyard Kipling and Clara Bow meaning of "it" had changed to someone who had cooties or was lousy at tag. It doesn't mean that now does it?

Gwyneth

....no.

Libby

O.k. Hon, you are an Oscar winner, and a huge movie star. Did you ever dream that you would make it this big?

Gwyneth

I've never really analyzed it. I'm just me.

Libby

Would you like a tic tac? It's only one calorie but it may get your through a few minutes. My God you look frail---which is a great look by the way--I'd go for it but I've got olive undertones.

I watched The Talented Mr. Ripley last night on the television. (We like to pick up a talkie now and then)

You were fabulous as usual but a times I was a little worried--I was thinking that maybe some Gatorade or something before you do a scene would maybe give you the strength to move your tongue and your lips while you talk.

Gwyneth

I don't know what you mean....

Libby

See you're doing it right now. Unless it's one of these new techniques--which is a very interesting one as long as you're not interested in hearing the dialogue of a film. Have the tic tac, come on-- maybe I could order you a sandwich...

Also dear, you should consider wearing a corset. You don't need it for that fine figure of yours but it would help keep your back straight--which in turn would help support your head. Poor thing.

Now your mother Bythe Danner is in the 'biz, did she ever give you advice like "take some castor oil? "

Gwyneth

She supports my career but she doesn't offer advice...

Libby

Vitamins--do you take any supplements?

Gwyneth

I would prefer if you don't mind, that we stick to my career.

Libby

Oh, sure hon, now of all your films--Emma is my favourite--you were so lifelike in that one!! I sense a spark buried in you. I have the feeling that maybe if you had a couple more pints of blood you could probably be quite sassy. I'm not your mother, not even your Aunt--but you've got to take care of yourself.

Gwyneth

I eat very well and do Ashtanga yoga six times a week.

Libby

Yes, but something for the blood, maybe a bit of liver. You see Gwyneth, this frail fading away thing is great as a movie novelty but if you're looking to get a husband--they'll want someone who looks like they can breed. Don't you want to get married? Don't you want to be sporting a rock?

Gwyneth

I try to remember as I hear about friends getting engaged, that it's not about the ring. It's a grave thing, getting married.

Libby

Well this puts me in an akward position but someone's got to tell you. If you keel over should I pour water on you,slap you or give you a Hershey's kiss?

Gwyneth

I'm not going to "keel over' --what is it you want to tell me?

Libby

Your old flame Brad Pitt got married to Jennifer Aniston.

Gwyneth

Yes, I know.

Libby

She's a spunky little thing even if she is only a tv actress--do you look back and think---if only I'd eaten more liver?

Don't these actresses of today know how to say goodbye? Now, I don't blame poor Gwyneth as it must have been exhausting for her to sit there for so long. But a tata or a cheerio never killed anyone.


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Please Note: This is a parody of a magazine, so don't come crying to us if someone accidentally took out your liver or you starved to death on our diet. The interviews are not real and the interviewers are not real.

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