Guide
to the New
Decorating Aesthetic
By
Elizabeth Hanes
In case you didn't notice, the cultural consciousness
changed abruptly last month. Especially affected is home
decorating. No matter that you spent years collecting
rococo picture frames and French country kitchen accessories.
These stylistic excesses now are decidedly out. What's
in are designs evoking assertiveness and industry: stainless
steel, sleek lines, and anything bullet-shaped. Also in
vogue are decorating schemes that speak of frugality,
such as the copious use of unrefinished flea market finds.
So, toss out those relics of last August and come along
with us as we help you redecorate in the nouveau style.
In
the Kitchen
Combine the industrial, stainless-steel look with the
frugality angle by making your own kitchen canisters out
of old coffee cans. Simply strip off the label to reveal
the shiny metal, then recycle non-winning lotto tickets
into canister labels by printing "FLOUR", "SUGAR" and
"COFFEE" on them with a magic marker. For an avant-garde
approach, leave the canisters unlabeled and keep your
family guessing.
Can't
afford to chuck out all your appliances and replace them
with new ones? Not to worry! Here's a simple way to create
your own stainless steel look. Get several cans of industrial
strength spray adhesive and a few dozen rolls of aluminum
foil. Thoroughly scrub and de-gloss the surfaces of your
appliances. Spray with adhesive and quickly roll on the
foil. In just minutes, you'll have a kitchen so shiny
it'll give you a migraine!
In
the Living Area
The
current social climate is a somber one, and your decorating
scheme should reflect this. Toss out that passé pit group
of living room furniture, which speaks of frivolity and
merriment. To create a more functional look, gather some
oak delivery pallets (easily stolen from behind liquor
stores at 4am), dismantle them, and then reassemble the
pieces into Adirondack chairs. To add a touch of color,
crochet yourself a sofa.
Your
Persian rug is far too opulent and must go. In its place,
we recommend weaving an area rug out of old polyester
leisure suits, which are easily obtained from any thrift
store or the singer at the Holiday Inn lounge.
Of
course, your floral/paisley wallcovering now doesn't work
with your new, homespun décor. For one easy solution,
cover it over with burlap. Use the leftover spray adhesive
from your kitchen project to make the transformation quick
and easy! For a slightly different style, create a faux
adobe look by decoupaging the walls with torn up paper
grocery bags. Your friends will be amazed at your ingenuity,
if not your taste.
In
the Bedroom
Should
you sacrifice romanticism and coziness for the sake of
the new decorating aesthetic? Absolutely! Get rid of those
fancy floral sheets and frilly bed ruffle and replace
them with utilitarian white muslin bedclothes. Recycle
the ruffle into a valance when you replace your drapes
with simple white cotton curtains. While you're at it,
eliminate colored towels from the master bathroom and
replace them with white ones. Whiteness speaks of purity,
frugality, and industry, making your bedroom the height
of aesthetic accomplishment. As an added benefit, your
husband will never want sex again in that frighteningly
sterile environment.
In
a social climate where the ordinary is now extraordinary,
we can ask no less of our aesthetic sensibilities. Place
yourself among the trendsetters of this remarkable shift
in the home decoration paradigm. Your family will thank
you for it.
©2001
Elizabeth Hanes. All rights reserved.
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