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Have you ever wished you could afford expensive designer perfumes? Or have you ever wished you had a "signature scent" - a perfume unique to you, and you alone? Well now you can! Follow these simple instructions to make your very own, unique perfume or cologne.
If civet cats aren't native to your area, cruise around the countryside looking for a dead skunk on the side of the road. Using a pocketknife, carefully remove the musk gland and place it in a plastic bag. If you don't live near the countryside, go the limburger cheese route.
Crush the flower blossoms as finely as possible with a mortar and pestle. Alternatively, place them in your food processor and pulse until finely minced. Do the same with the pine needles.
Now comes the experimentation. Combine a tiny amount of the musk (or cheese) with a small amount of the flowers, pine needles, and wormwood oil. Tinker with the proportions until you have a scent you can live with. Mix up a big batch, add purified water and let it stand for several weeks, tightly covered in a warm place.
Six weeks later, drink the rubbing alcohol. Remove lid from the perfume concoction, then carry the foul-smelling mess outside and pour it sparingly along your property lines to keep the neighborhood dogs from coming onto your property and soiling it. Drive to a perfumery and purchase a custom-mixed scent. Voila!