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EST. May 2000 (AD)

 
 

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Celebrate Your Daughter's First Period with a Poignant Puberty Party!

By ChristianaTosatto

 
In many cultures there is great celebration when a young woman experiences her first menses. All around the world adolescent females bask in the glorious attention bestowed by family and friends as they enter the gateway of womanhood.

So what the hell is the matter with us? We toss a pad and a Midol at our bewildered little girls, maybe even snicker a sarcastic, "welcome" and shuffle them back off to middle school. Hardly fair, is it? Well, as an enlightened parent you can help change this disturbing trend. Throw your daughter a party she'll always remember!

Invite everyone you know. Don't forget all the nice young men from school she's told you about. Announce her menarche with quirky invitations made with panty liners. Stick them directly to the front doors of potential guests so they don't get lost in piles of junk mail.

Above all make sure her party is a surprise. Swear guests to secrecy so you can all witness her astonishment as the hidden crowd leaps to their feet and you lunge forward to crown her with the glittering tampon tiara that you, her loving mother, created with only applicators, hot glue and the plastic headband she just had to have but has now deemed "dorky."

Starting a gift registry assists your guests in selecting just the right present for this joyous occasion.  Suggested items might include classic premenstrual necessities like migraine medication, bags of chocolate covered pretzels, economy packs of tissues, "do not disturb" signs, and voodoo dolls representing family members and teachers. Recruit a few postmenopausal guests (feminine protection, if you will) to guard the pretzels.

Baby and bridal showers often include a "wishing well" where attendees put everything needed for the bride or new mother. Your pubescent guest of honor deserves no less! How about one chock full of sanitary supplies and the wish that her cycle remain light and painless and that it never embarrass her while she's wearing white pants right in the middle of the cafeteria after she buys her French fries when everyone is looking, forcing her to cry in the restroom until the school nurse arrives with one of those giant pads that looks like a Barbie mattress? Your daughter will flush with gratitude as guests arrive and fill her well with their ever-so-personal offerings.
 
And what's a party without a cake, especially for a gal in the throes of hormonal upheaval? Occasions as special as this deserve really special cakes. Purchase the largest Easter egg shaped cake pan available at your local craft store. Bake a big, honking triple chocolate cake in it. Any other flavor is simply unacceptable. On an attractive serving platter, arrange the cake with the small, pointyish end down. Voila, a perfect uterus shaped canvas on which to express your creativity. Spread liberally with bright red frosting to symbolize your daughter's blossoming endometrium. Tampons in their applicators make fabulous decorative candles, just light the strings and, for heaven's sake, don't let them burn too long. The gentle glow will reflect in her eyes, which will have become wide and teary with happiness.
 
During the revelry, the generations of female guests who have journeyed before her can share their own touching menstrual stories. When the party finally ends, your daughter may be speechless, but you and your attendees can rest assured that this tender transition in your daughter's life will forever be burned into her memory.

© 2007 Christiana Tosatto

OTHER HW ARTICLES BY CHRISTIANA TOSATTO

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Christiana writes to avoid housework and as a result lives in squalor with her husband, four adolescent children and two (intentional) rats. Her work has appeared in Delaware Beach Life and Christian Science Monitor and is pending publication in Byline Magazine. She can be reached at ctosatto@yahoo.com.