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EST. May 2000 (AD)




Let Your Apron be Your Smile

By Sarah W. Szucs

No matter what they're saying on talk radio there is one thing that cannot be denied - women love aprons. A woman standing at attention by her hearth in a cleanly pressed apron says, "I am ready to work." It also says "I will not allow my outfit to be soiled by dust nor dough.

A woman's apron can express a dozen moods. It can be her smile, or it can be her wrath. But most often it is her smile. In grandma's day aprons were hard to come by, and what cloth coverings could be found were unbelievably boring. Thank goodness that in this progressive age there is an apron for each stop on every woman's hectic schedule.

Starting your day with a bright new apron is as natural as a fresh brewed pot of coffee. It lets your family and neighbors know that the sunrise shift has begun! Good suggestions for your morning apron include bright, cheerful colors and happy patterns. Perhaps polka dots in fun, contrasting colors are your style. Lighthearted images of cockadoodling roosters or animated breakfast foods are always favorites.

The lunch apron is a quieter, less playful apron. It says, "I'm ready for a nap." Small prints are fine, but be sure to choose eye-soothing colors such as pale blue or dark green. If your midday apron should have animated lunch foods be sure their eyes are half-closed. They might also be propped against a large sleepy-faced clock to further emphasize the point of impending nap time.

The dinner apron says, "I am rested and ready to play." However, this apron is not only functional but also dressy and alluring. Good color choices for this garment include rich red, elegant white or sophisticated black. Fabrics should be luxurious. See-through organza, glamorous lame and fancy lace are all excellent foundations for the breathtaking apron every woman wants to wear. The shape of this apron is quite form fitting at the bodice and starched breast darts are a must. The skirt of this apron is gathered at the waist with a large satin bow and opening to a heavily ruffled skirt. Using a petticoat or peplum underneath is strongly suggested to enhance this formal look. And it goes without saying that wearing a corset is common sense.

You may ask, "As this dinner apron is very much like a negligee could it is also be suitable for the boudoir?" In a word, yes! An apron is always welcome behind the closed doors of the bedroom. It is suggested that the bedroom apron is most efficient if paired with an appropriate floor length robe and turban.

And there you have it - 24 hours worth of letting your apron be your smile. And remember, when your apron does the smiling it's one less chore on your "to do" list.


©2004 Sarah W. Szucs


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Sarah W. Szucs is a writer of comedy and satire. She and her family live in New York State with their Cocker Spaniel "Scout."

DISCLAIMER: This is a parody of women's magazines so don't come crying to us if you starved to death on one of our diets or you took out your liver by mistake. Unless otherwise noted all material © 2000 - 2018 Sharon Grehan-Howes ( aka Sharon Jeffcock ) Happy Woman Magazine All Rights Reserved