I worry about
my boy Eddie. He lives a wild life, ok he's 21, when else is he
going to do it? But still, no health benefits, smokes cigarettes,
and who knows what else, rides a motorcycle without his helmet,
and doesn't go to church. I can't even talk to him these days without
bringing up one or another of these topics and then we fight, or
worse, he ignores. You don't have to tell me that nagging is a waste,
it hasn't done any good. and yet, what if he kills himself or someone
else, how will I feel if I just let all that go without saying a
word. I will feel guilty, which is another one of your wastes. HELP
ME MADRONE!! I am going crazy. Worry Wart, North Pensacola
You at least
know you have a problem which I am going to solve for you. All things
should be this simple. Eddy knows every single thing that bothers
you. Trust me. This is your nag list. Next time, before you get
into it, just say, Hey Eddie, you know the list of things I nag
you about. Review them in your mind. Any progress to report? He
will either say yes and report or say no. Then you can get on with
whatever else you want to talk about.
NOW- If you
have nothing else to say to him, then THAT's where your real problem
is. God bless, Donna
Nags, if you
remember, are on the list of things that annoy me. The NAG LIST,
is the only surefire way to deal with this. IF you are a nagger,
follow the above advice. Now if you are the nagee, it's the same
but different, takes more nerve, and savvy, but you can deal with
it. I mean, one way is to take an ice pick or some such sharp instrument
and brandish it with the implied threat that you are going to stick
it somewhere unpleasant if the nagging should continue, but my experience
has been that this only makes the nagging worse, in other words,
the nagger will then nag you to put down the ice pick. Unless of
course you actually use it, in which case, what was just an annoyance
turns into jail time, unless of course the jury has been seriously
nagged themselves, in which case you will get off either with a
self defense or an insanity plea.
If you decide
to go that route, good luck, and my uncle Rafael has a very good
record of overturning convictions, I recommend him. But even better
according to me, and I know what's what, sit down with the nagger
in question, make them say everything that bothers them, write it
down, give it to them, and promise that when you have something
to report you will. And if they add new, then give them the paper
to write it down, and SMILE while you do this. The smile is key.
It makes everything nice as the same time it makes the nagger wonder
whether or not you are carrying an ice pick. God bless, Donna
What do you
think about a person who comes over for dinner and doesn't bring
cake? Flummoxed, Madison
I don't. God
PS. On the
off chance that I run into one of them I treat them the same way
you would treat someone who drools uncontrollably through no fault
of their own.
this as a public service to your readers. The nice weather is coming
and that means the barbecue season is here. So much heartbreak and
tragedy could be avoided if families followed this simple precautions.
Giacomo "Light My Fire" Relini, President, Family Barbecue
Survivor Association (FBSA)
I am proud
to help out such a noteworthy organization as your own. Readers,
pay attention to this, cut it out and stick in near the Charm Glow,
but not where it will catch on fire. God bless
FOR SURVIVING THE FAMILY BARBECUE:
1. For the
love of Mike, do not, I repeat DO NOT get in between someone and
their mother (Sound familiar? following this rule alone would save
thousands of lives each summer. DC)
2. Keep your
hands to yourself. Always good advice.
3. Keep the
barbecue sauce in a labeled container, which should be kept far
away from the lighter fluid.
4. Under no
circumstances correct a child over whom you have no rights: IE any
child not your own personal child.
5. Do not attack
others. (this includes wisecracks, making of jocular comments about
the number of helpings, or the lack thereof and pushing baby's faces
into cakes )
6. If attacked,
you may defend, but you may not enjoy it.. Your pleasure will not
be lost on the others and will come around to bite you in the future,
like at this 50th anniversary party, or that Confirmation.
There is no statute of limitations on paybacks. .
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Monk is a full time faculty member of Penn State University, where
she teaches creative writing, both fiction and non fiction. She
pursues freelance writing, authoring plays and feature articles.
She has broken nearly as many rules of family as she has enforced.
Rules of Family Archive