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MARCH 2009

Dear Madrone,

What is NOT a waste of time?

Anxious, Valley Creek

Dear Anxious,

Ignoring this question.

God bless, Donna

Readers,

Listen, don't even start writing me letters about how I could have been nicer and/or answered the question for Anxious. First off, it would be a waste of time, since I never spend time bemoaning the past. And I don't even owe you an explanation, but I will explain it, which is an example of me NOT wasting my time, because I like doing it.

See? It's that simple. Let me give you another example. My cousin's cousin's cousin hates to wear make up. Now everyone agrees she has the skin of a snake, she wouldn't argue, but she doesn't care. She says, whatever. I have better things to do. And she does them, like keeping the best rose garden in the neighborhood. Now her sister, who is ten years younger, and has the face of an angel, spends at least $100 a month and 3 hours a day with potions and creams and is personally responsible for the late model Caddies regularly driven by her Avon lady. She wouldn't be caught dead in a garden, except if they were burying in it, in which case, I guess she would be caught dead, so disregard that last. She says, the only kind of roses she wants are the kind she gets delivered to her from FTD. So there you are.

Anything could be a waste of time. OR a good use of it, except for the things in the Waste of Time Hall of Fame. Which is to say that most of the time for most people those things are a terrible way to spend your precious minutes. As for the rest, it depends.

God bless, Donna

Dear Madrone,

My son's best friend's aunt is how can I say it? A real piece of work. Ok, capish?

She's been married four times, twice to the same loony tune, who couldn't take enough punishment the first time, and is currently on the market. She has her eye on my brother, who is a good provider, and a sweet guy. His wife, may she rest, is not in the picture, and since it's been ten years, no one can say he's rushing into anything at this point. But

Pasta fazool!! She is a no good and everyone knows it, but my brother, but he doesn't want to hear it. So what should I do??

A loving sister, Lesterville.

Dear Sister,

Nothing.

God bless, Donna

PS- And by nothing, I mean nothing. It goes like this. I love you, you love her, I love her. The only exception is if you feel in your heart that your brother is being criminally mistreated, and charges could be pressed if he wasn't too scared or too beat down to do so. And even if that's true, and you don something about it, don't come running to me that he doesn't thank you. 'cause he won't.

 


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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Pamela Bongiorno Monk is a full time faculty member of Penn State University, where she teaches creative writing, both fiction and non fiction. She pursues freelance writing, authoring plays and feature articles. She has broken nearly as many rules of family as she has enforced.

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