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EST. May 2000 (AD)




Beauty 911

By Elize Bergeron

Q Please help me! My passion is swimming. I would spend every second of every day by the beach if I could.

Recently, I've felt rather insecure while sitting on the beach. I have a bit of cellulite and I can't seem to get rid of the twenty pounds I gained after my last child. I just can't seem to find a swimsuit that flatters me-what would you suggest?

A Perhaps your time would be best spent at a library or shopping mall. If you insist on swimming, the best solution would be to get your own pool. If you can't afford that you might want to sneak in after hours at your local pool.

Q I have to arrive at work at 6:00 A.M. How do I minimize the puffiness around my eyes?

A Cucumber slices or tea bags might minimize the puffiness slightly but for optimum results, get a job that starts at 11:00 a.m.

Q I'm a forty-five year old woman and I love to keep up with the latest trends. Recently after wearing pigtails and a midriff-baring top a friend of mine pulled me aside to tell me that what I was wearing was too young for me that it was time to grow-up and dress more "age-appropriate." I was completely destroyed by this comment. What should I say to her?

A Some people would say that you should not let your friend's advice bother you. We live in an age where a person should be free to wear what they want when they want, that we are individuals and should be free to express our personality through our hair makeup as well as our style of dress.

Those people are of course crazy. If they are right, then why aren't we seeing old crumblies like you on the cover of Vogue? No my dear, it's time to start facing facts. You are past your sell-by date and it's time to move on to tasteful knee length frocks, slacks and perhaps a few scarves for zest.

As far as what you should say to your friend how about a simple, humble "Thank you."

By Sharon Grehan-Howes

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DISCLAIMER: This is a parody of women's magazines so don't come crying to us if you starved to death on one of our diets or you took out your liver by mistake. Unless otherwise noted all material © 2000 - 2018 Sharon Grehan-Howes ( aka Sharon Jeffcock ) Happy Woman Magazine All Rights Reserved