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EST. May 2000 (AD)




Cut Your Housework in Half! 5 Steps to Freedom

By Cynthia King

You went to the mall last Saturday instead of cleaning the toilets. You bought shoes instead of getting the vacuum fixed. Sound familiar? Let's face it, ladies. It happens to the best of us. The chores pile up and the mess gets out of control. It's OK! I'm here to tell you that there is hope.

Housework doesn't have to take over your life. In fact, you can learn to cut your housework in half. Follow these five simple steps and liberate yourself from the bonds of housework forever!

Step 1. De-clutter: the "Out of Sight Out of Mind" Method

What is clutter? Clutter is any object or objects that can be defined as "in my way". It makes housework more time-consuming, not to mention it's a trip hazard. So what to do with clutter? Use the "Out of Sight, Out of Mind" method. Simply remove clutter from its current location and relocate as follows:

Place under beds and couches and behind pillows. Shove to the back of closets, drawers, and kitchen cabinets. Place inside crawl spaces and heating vents.

Conceal behind garden shrubs and large furniture, in empty clothes hampers, and in bathtubs (remove before use). Any available space will do. Clutter problem solved!

Step 2. Laundry No More: the "Wear and Toss Method"

Tired of doing load after never-ending load of dirty laundry? Well, empty those clothes hampers, girls! Using the "Wear and Toss Method," instead of tossing clothing in the clothes hamper, you'll simply aim for the trash can. Not only will you kiss your washer and dryer good-bye, but you'll save a bundle on dry cleaning. (NOTE: The "Wear and Toss" method does require more frequent and costly trips to the mall to buy replacement items. But as women, we must make sacrifices for the sake of a clean home for our families.)

Step 3. Don't Do Dishes!

Doing dishes is another one of those pesky tasks that never seems go away. It's an unpleasant job and it wreaks havoc on your manicure. Instead, go to your local wholesale club and purchase in BULK the following items: disposable paper plates, cups, plastic knives, forks and spoons. Just use once and toss. Now you can enjoy your family dinners without the burden of dirty dishes. (NOTE: To reduce waste, our more environmentally conscious readers may prefer instead to gather the family around the kitchen sink to chow down. No plates are required as all crumbs and stray food fall directly into the sink.)

Step 4. Delegate: Turn Housework into Teamwork

Why should women be the sole housekeepers in the family? Nonsense! We are modern women after all and this is the twenty-first century. Learn to delegate!

Make a list of all household chores and assign each one to a member of your "team". Enlist your husband, children, grandma, neighbors, friends, etc., and assign chores according to what you think each person would enjoy. Make it fun! For example, my husband has a real affinity for cleaning out Kitty's litter box; Junior is a whiz at cleaning the oven; and Grandma has proven to be an expert garage-cleaner. Assign yourself the chores that you excel at.

Personally, I have a knack for cleaning out the freezer - preferably after a trip to the supermarket for ice cream sandwiches and Dove bars - but to each her own. Delegating chores is not only a huge timesaver but you'll find that the camaraderie that comes from working together towards a common goal brings you closer as a family.

Step 5. Relax and Recharge

This is of course the most crucial step in the process of cleaning house. Relaxing and recharging ensures that you will be refreshed for the next round of housecleaning. So be good to yourself. Get a massage. Go to the spa. Have a pedicure. Buy that Prada bag you've been eyeing for months. After all your hard work, you deserve to kick back and relax. Give yourself a hand for a job well done!

©2002 Cynthia King


Cynthia King is an ex tech writer with dreams of breaking into the glamorous and glorified world of freelance writing. Well-wishers can contact her at cking_10@yahoo.com.

DISCLAIMER: This is a parody of women's magazines so don't come crying to us if you starved to death on one of our diets or you took out your liver by mistake. Unless otherwise noted all material © 2000 - 2018 Sharon Grehan-Howes ( aka Sharon Jeffcock ) Happy Woman Magazine All Rights Reserved