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Decorating Tips

By Sharon Grehan-Howes

We asked design guru Helen Marchance to give us a peek at what is not (or should not ) be happening in the world of interior design.

Marchance, best known for her fantasy makeover of Grant's Tomb, scoffs at the current fiction that your home must reflect your taste and personality.

"Nonsense." Snorts Marchance in an appealing, artistic way. "Home design, like fashion is a reflection of designer and industry tastes."

In a typical consultation Marchance spends hours asking the clients questions about their lifestyle, tastes and needs. Then she does whatever she wants.

'There is of course a right way and a wrong way to do everything. My way is right."

What's OUT:

Faux Finishes

"If you are even considering applying a sponge to your walls, take the sponge outside and place it in a garbage can. Put the garbage can over your head and run up and down the street yelling 'I'm a big idiot!' "

Wallpaper

"Wallpaper has been OUT so long it is almost in again. If you're thinking ''Hmmm.If it's coming back in, I might as well hold off changing anything.' That would be wrong. Although I haven't seen the new wallpaper I can guarantee that the flowers will be either a millimeter smaller or larger the green will be greyer and pink nonexistent."

Stencilling

"OUT! If you really must express your creative side in paint invest in a can of spray paint and confine this form of vandalism to the alley."

Country Cozy

"OUT OUT OUT. Country cozy only works will if you live in the country. No amount of dried flower wreathes and wooden plaques are going to turn your condo on the 24th floor into a cottage. Just as you wouldn't install an elevator in your cottage keep the cozy out of your condo."

Balloon Curtains

"If you've already invested money in them buy some Luminette blinds or vignettes blinds pull them down snugly and admit you have more money than sense."

Floral Patterned Furniture

"OUT OUT OUT. The best thing you can do is take an ax to the furniture soak it in kerosene, light it and throw it off your balcony."

Martha Stewart Collection

"Anything from Martha Stewart's Kmart collection is OUT with the exception of soup spoons."

Crafts

"OUT OUT OUT. There is a return to hand-wrought ethnic pieces, but keep in mind, these are not to be handcrafted by you even if you are ethnic and creative. These pieces must come from a village you've never heard of."

Funky

"OUT OUT OUT there is a reason this word is used to describe an odour."

Forecast: "Blue is slowly creeping back but will never achieve 70's popularity. You will see it in rooms here and there but it will vanish in January 2008 five minutes before Walmart announces it's new blue coordinate sheets. Pink will make a brief hilarious appearance appearance and stainless steel has 17 days left."

In closing Marchance leaves you with this message: "Your home is not there to display your love of Barbie or sports. If you cannot afford to hire a designer then a simple rule of thumb is this: Anything you bought two years ago needs to be replaced. Period."

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