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EST. May 2000 (AD)




How To End A Relationship

By Mary V. Kolar

Ending a relationship is never easy to do. The most difficulty comes in trying to hide the body. Everyone is a C.S.I. nowadays, making it a most difficult undertaking (excuse the pun) and there seems to be a lack of information about how to dispose of remains quickly and effectively. It doesn't need to be difficult, if you just pay heed to the following rules.

Rule #1: Chopping And Dicing Is For Food Only

Your ex is not food, so you should abstain from using any kitchen implement to chop, dice or cut in any manner. It makes quite a mess and the clean up time doesn't make it time effective. Besides, those nasty blood spatters can easily be found with modern technology.

Rule #2: No Double Parking

Getting rid of the ex's car can be a major problem. There are always those nosy neighbors. Keeping this in mind, it is probably best to make the final - the very final goodbye at his place. That way, you don't have to worry about what to do with his vehicle.

Rule #3: Throw The Trash Out

Just as unwanted refuse clutter up our lives making it unpleasant, so can

ex's. Treating both the same way is the way to handle things. Make a trip to the local large do-it-yourself mega-warehouse and buy a large trashcan on wheels. Most bodies will fit snugly inside one of the larger models conveniently (as long as you don't wait to long.) It can be quite a workout to actually get the body in securely, but think of the calories you will burn.

Rule #4: Let The Sunshine In

A common error is to think that the night offers cover. This is an error of judgment many inmates look back upon in remorse. The fact of the matter is that you take the garbage out during the day. So, you cart the garbage out in late-afternoon as the kids are getting home from school, stay-at-home Moms are frantically trying to get dinner ready, while listening to the kids scream about their day. People aren't very attentive when they are hassled, hungry and busy. Very few will notice someone loading a trunk. Just act natural and blend right in.

Rule #5: Take A Vacation

It's always best to get away after an emotional break up. A girl needs time to recuperate. Stop at a local tree nursery and pick up a couple of saplings. Take a drive up into the forest, perhaps one that recently had a fire, and plant the saplings. Make sure to also pick up a good shovel at the nursery as well. Once again, it will be a good workout, as you will need to dig at least a six-foot hole. Place the rolling garbage in the hole, plant the sapling on top and then treat yourself to a nice dinner. You deserve it. It's good to care about our forests. You are a good person.



Mary began writing seriously since she hit the hallmark age of fifty. She is meeting with good success as many of her stories have been published. Visit her at www.MaryVKolar.com to learn more about her writing endeavors.

DISCLAIMER: This is a parody of women's magazines so don't come crying to us if you starved to death on one of our diets or you took out your liver by mistake. Unless otherwise noted all material © 2000 - 2018 Sharon Grehan-Howes ( aka Sharon Jeffcock ) Happy Woman Magazine All Rights Reserved