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EST. May 2000 (AD)




What Your Eyebrows Say About You

By Sharon Grehan-Howes

If the eyes are the window to the soul, then the eyebrows must be the window treatment. Find out what they say about you!

The Untamed

Your brows say "Look at me I gave up a long time ago" Your favourite colour is sage green and you talk behind everyone's back. You have a secret talent for decoupage and have a ham and cheese sandwich rotting in your filing cabinet.

You will never marry and you will be referred to in later years as "that spooky woman with all the cats".

The Curve

Loveable, cute, dimwitted with no sense of humour. You secretly hate your best friend and love true crime novels. Your favorite colour is eggplant and you chose a Pekinese because it set off your skin tone. You think wrestling is real and the ozone layer is not. You will marry twice and become a barfly when you are 52.

The Arch:

Wise, witty and a tad arrogant. Your favorite colour is teal blue and you keep your diary under a cashmere sweater in the third drawer to the right in your dresser. You are fond of animals but unable to keep one because of your irresponsibility. You only read book-liners and you are frightened of wisk brooms.

You will have three children with three different husbands and become famous as a result of a cosmetic surgery screw-up. One of your children will write a tell-all after which you will move to Florida and make a living cheating at canasta.

The Straight Arrow

Everyone comes to you for advice but they never take it because they think you are stupid. You steal post it notes from work and have a crush on your mailman. You love reading and fancy yourself a poet. People rarely remember your name and you are generally referred to as that "sneaky" girl.

Your favourite colour is mustard and your dry-cleaning ticket is in your windbreaker. You will inherit money when you are forty- two and blow it all as a result of a ballroom dance scam.

DISCLAIMER: This is a parody of women's magazines so don't come crying to us if you starved to death on one of our diets or you took out your liver by mistake. Unless otherwise noted all material © 2000 - 2018 Sharon Grehan-Howes ( aka Sharon Jeffcock ) Happy Woman Magazine All Rights Reserved