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EST. May 2000 (AD)




Your Guy's Most Secret Thoughts!

What is he really thinking when you are together? We asked four men to give us a boo into their brains!

By Sharon Grehan-Howes


Whenever I go to a wedding I always find myself wondering how hot the groom must be in his tux. I wonder why the minister always needs to hold a book because you'd think he'd have it memorized by now unless he's new. I wonder how they train a new minister. Do they have an old minister stand by and correct you if you say something stupid like mix up Judas for Jesus?

I sometimes wonder how much it would cost to heat a church and whether or or not I could stand living with such high ceilings. I try to figure out how much paint you'd need to do the ceiling and wonder if you'd have to build a scaffold or if you could rent one. If you built one then you'd have it again if you ever needed to repaint but where would you keep it?

I then figure out if you had a church you'd probably have room for a pretty big garage so there would be lots of room for stuff like scaffolding and you could put plywood across the scaffold and use it for shelves when you aren't using it for painting.

I could probably get a motorcycle and put spare parts on the scaffold. I'd put it at one end and I'd have a workbench at the other end. I'd get a fridge, a comfy chair and a radio and put them in the middle.

I sometimes wonder what the bridesmaid looks like naked but it depends on the wedding.


After we make love and my wife is snuggled up next to me, she usually asks me what I'm thinking. I used to say nothing but I realized that's the wrong answer so I tell her I'm thinking about her. What I'm usually thinking about though, is a ham sandwich.

Not the plastic kind of ham but the good meaty kind of ham the kind you get at Christmas. I picture a huge Kaiser roll smothered in hot mustard with a very small layer of butter, sometimes I put lettuce on it but not always, I plop a nice big hunk of Swiss on it and finish it off with a slice of beefsteak tomato.

I imagine myself washing this down with a nice cold beer while sitting on the porch watching the guys across the street doing construction. I think of how cool it would be to be paid to smash things with a hammer. I wonder if you get really good at it if they give you a nickname like Demolition Man. I try to remember if there was a Demolition Man superhero and then I wonder what happened to my old comic books and if they'd be worth something today. Then I wonder what kind of sandwiches the constructions guys have then I start thinking of the ham sandwich again.


DISCLAIMER: This is a parody of women's magazines so don't come crying to us if you starved to death on one of our diets or you took out your liver by mistake. Unless otherwise noted all material © 2000 - 2018 Sharon Grehan-Howes ( aka Sharon Jeffcock ) Happy Woman Magazine All Rights Reserved