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EST. May 2000 (AD)

 
 

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How to Make Haute Couture Work for You!

By Deborah Hall

Ever found yourself front row at a fashion show in Milan thinking, sure, that chandelier headpiece looks great on her, but how can I make it work in my busy day to day life? Who hasn't? Fear not, help is on the way! First of all ladies, it's about knowing how to mix and match. No matter how tempting it may seem, resist the urge to wear all your couture pieces at once. While that garden hose dress may be slimming, wearing it with the chandelier is simply overkill. It'll grab attention, but not necessarily the kind you want. Don't be so needy. Instead, pair the headpiece with a black wetsuit. That way you'll still get that sought after slimming effect without overwhelming the bus driver, who may have had one too many espressos before picking up your kids.

Just because you gave up your high powered career as a judge/catalogue underwear model to raise well balanced children, doesn't mean you have to give up your sense of style. Few things scream, "FEATHER BOA" more than soccer practice. Be sure to wash the fake eyelash glue completely off your hands before draping yourself in the boa. Again, keep the rest of the ensemble simple-a plain black jumper and a tiara are all you need to complete the look.

Think all PTA meetings are snoozefests? You're right, but your wardrobe doesn't need to reflect the fact that you're slowly dying inside. What better time to break out that cute little Swarovski crystal emblazed bolero jacket? For a cheeky added touch, why not pair it with a tartan kilt to show off your playful side?

As a stay at home mom, you'll likely be nominated by the bitter, frumpy mothers to head up the annual bake sale. This is the perfect opportunity to showcase the mink pantsuit that's been shedding in your closet. Since fur can be a little warm, accessorize with a chunky ice cube choker! Simply drape a black shoelace through a tray of ice, freeze overnight, and voila! Instant cooling that's pretty and practical! Feeling particularly bold? Add some food colouring to the ice and drive them mad with envy. Don't worry about the ice melting on your suit…when those minks were alive, they could swim!

Chaperoning the school dance? We're thinking peacock cape! Versatility never looked so good. Since capes don't have pockets, and peacocks are no exception, you won't be able to carry your flask, so take a hint from the kiddies and do your drinking before you get there. Stick with vodka which doesn't smell as much so you won't set a bad example. If anyone comments on your flushed appearance, tell them you've got Boogie Fever! Even though the cape is a showpiece on its own, this is after all, a dance, so feel free to punch it up a notch with some platform heels and a bedazzled headband (your kids will be so proud of the effort you've made to look cool-although they probably won't tell you outright. Kids are shy like that.)

Remember gals, fashion is your friend. Not quite as close a friend as a martini, but a friend none-the-less, and friendships need to be nurtured! Letting go of your sense of style is the first step on the slippery slope to Mom-jeans. Don't let things escalate to that point of no return. Even a dab of body glitter can act as an instant pick-me-up, so keep a jar close by for days when you're feeling a little under the weather, or the liquor store is closed. You're never too old or suburban to be runway ready! Ciao bellas!

© 2007 Deborah Hall

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Deborah Hall is a free-lance writer who lives in London with her husband and their extremely well-behaved English Springer spaniel who reads at a third grade level when she's not rescuing unruly children from wells.