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EST. May 2000 (AD)





You Can Have it All!

By Sally Lee

Do you have a real job? A spouse? Have you reproduced? In the traditional household, a yes answer to one or more of these questions usually meant an exhausting struggle as women juggled competing responsibilities, but no longer. You CAN have it all. By subscribing to my monthly magazine Almost Homemade®, you'll learn the secrets to obtaining the lifestyle you didn't even know you wanted.

Having a gracious, beautifully appointed home in the Hamptons, polite teenagers, a husband who does housework, celebrity friends like Oprah, a high-powered career, stress free holidays, and stubble free legs is not just a dream. This desirable lifestyle is easy to achieve with the right tools and shortcuts.

First, your family has to learn that you have a life too and aren't there just to listen to a bunch of high-pitched whining. Second and more importantly, you need to be willing to accept that having it all doesn't mean you have to do it all. A clever "little woman" learns how to substitute when it counts, so in a few simple steps she can make her home- and her meals - look Almost Homemade®.

It's not hard to cook like me. The trick is knowing how to balance your time and your budget. My abilities didn't come naturally. It took lots of practice to learn how to use a can opener and lots of experimenting before I found just the right blend of take out, Velveeta®, and canned soups. Fortunately for you, I decided to share my expertise.

I know how difficult it can be to come home after a full day of shopping or tennis or golf only to look into the faces of a family on the brink of starvation, wondering what and when, if ever, they will eat. I confronted that heartbreak and overcame it. After all, good nutrition is important, but not if it takes the "life" out of your "lifestyle."

Whether you use some of the tantalizing new recipes in my magazine, or decide it's easier and more convenient to buy one or all of my books,* you've taken the first steps on your journey to obtaining the exciting new lifestyle that will make you the envy of all your neighbors. Have them drooling over your Party Pizzaz Appetizers® (when you phone in your pizza order, just tell them to cut it into dainty squares, then finish at home by inserting decorative toothpicks into each tasty bite), swilling your Party Pizzaz Punch® (grain alcohol stirred gently into equal parts warm, flat beer and expired milk), and ogling the festive, all natural Party Pizzaz Centerpieces® you made from lawn clippings, stray bird feathers, and the empty beer cans from the punch.

All these secrets and more are contained in my newest book, Decorating with Leftovers®, the easy and inexpensive way to make all your guests feel special, whether they are psychotic crazies at the local homeless shelter or an intimate gathering of two or three hundred of your closest friends. With the advice in my books, magazine, soon to debut television show - and the right domestic help - anyone can find time to enjoy an Almost Homemade Life®.

*Almost Homemade Cooking®, Almost Homemade Desserts® and Entertaining Almost Homemade Style®, are available at your local bookstore or online at www.almosthomemade.com.

About the Author: Sally is a lifestylist and celebrity in her own right thank you very much who is sick and tired of everyone asking about her older sister and her damn pies. She graciously acknowledges the assistance of SB Shoemaker in preparing this article which she was going to do anyway even before Ms. Shoemaker made those nasty comments about breach of contract and plagiarism. She also insists that any similarity to Sandra Lee Semi-Homemade® Magazine, Semi-Homemade® Cooking, Semi-Homemade® Desserts, Semi-Homemade® Cooking with Sandra Lee, or www.semihomemade.com, is completely and absolutely coincidental and anyone who insists on making an issue of it should get their head examined because it is simply not true.

© 2005 S. Shoemaker All Rights Reserved




Susan, a former flight instructor and air traffic controller, now spends most of her time looking for her car keys. She lives and writes in southern Wisconsin, but would much prefer to spend winters drinking and writing in the south of France. If you bothered to read this far, please contact all the publishers you know and tell them to send her money. Or you can cut out the middleperson and just send it to her directly.  Or wire it, because it isn't safe to send cash through the mail.  And ever since that incident involving the Fantasy Chippendale League, she no longer trusts the staff here at HW. Even though it was just a joke and she got her money back.


DISCLAIMER: This is a parody of women's magazines so don't come crying to us if you starved to death on one of our diets or you took out your liver by mistake. Unless otherwise noted all material © 2000 - 2018 Sharon Grehan-Howes ( aka Sharon Jeffcock ) Happy Woman Magazine All Rights Reserved