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EST. May 2000 (AD)

 
 

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FAQ About Home Schooling

By Mindi Kohake

Once couples experience the miracle of creating a life, they innately start questioning every

decision they ever make, worrying about how the outcome will effect their special, milk sucking, house dirtying brats. And because their child is doubtlessly the most brilliant baby ever born, education becomes a prime concern. To help alleviate any fears and to make your decision making process easier, here are the answers to the most popular home schooling questions.

1. Should I let my child be a part of the extracurricular activities the local public school offers?

No, the main purpose of home schooling is to keep children away from any possible outside influences. But if the child insists, present your own extracurricular activities. For example, offer mowing the lawn during summer break, raking the leaves in the fall, toilet scrubbing in the winter, and cleaning the drains in the spring.

2. Can I begin home schooling mid-year?

Of course, they are your kids, right? If the laws in your state doesn't "agree" with your timeline, then just call them in "sick" to school, until mid semester break.

3. Does it matter if I don't have a college education?

Basic Rule of Thumb: If you passed fourth grade, then you can teach fourth grade.

4. My child is feeling lonely and despondent after I began home schooling him. What can I do?

Take a couple weeks off from school and let him play all the video games and eat all the candy he wants. He should snap right out of this phase and you'll be able to easily get started with the schooling again. If for some odd reason that doesn't work, lock him in a closet until he realizes how good he really has it.

5. Are home-schooled children too sheltered?

Only if you make them wear their bubble wrap suits indoors.

6. How do I know what days to mark as vacation?

When the pantry gets low on food, you need a manicure, or any day it's warm and sunny. Some teachers also follow the "any day ending in 'day'" is a holiday rule.

7. Should I stick to a strict schedule every day?

Strict schedules are not recommended. Now is the time to explore when your child is at his/her best and brightest. If he/she is his/her most creative self at 3:30 a.m., then have art class at that time. Don't worry if you think you are getting behind in the lessons. There is always tomorrow, barring your talkative best friend doesn't call and waste half the day. The only exclusion is to make sure and give yourself a planning period every day. ("Planning" is code for "napping" in home school language)

8. I have two kids, one in first grade and one in fifth grade, and want to home school both. How can I handle two different lessons?

You can't. Always average the ages when you have multiple students. In this case, plan your lessons for the third grade level, and go from there

9. Is there a dress code for being a teacher?

Yes, a denim jumper, Birkenstocks, and a handkerchief on your head are required at all times.

10. What materials and resources should I use?

To save money, enroll child in public school and use the books passed out on the first day. Refer to question two for leaving mid-year. Surfing the Internet or watching television will provide any extra resources needed.

11. What if my child asks a question I don't know the answer to?

When in doubt, make something up or lie.

12. Should I test my child?

No, because if they fail, it reflects badly on you as a teacher. You have an image to uphold and protect with your life.

13. In your opinion, should I home school?

And miss out on seven hours of peace and quiet from those hellions? If you are stupid enough to ask, then you deserve to have to home school your children.

©2006 Mindi Kohake

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Mindi Kohake, a by-product of public education, is currently a freelance writer and resides in Topeka, KS. She earned a Bachelor degree in finance and marketing, as well as, a Masters of Business Administration degree from Washburn University. Still childless, she reserves the right to make selfish and indulgent decisions on an everyday basis.