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Lawsuit Threatens Literary Bigamist

A National Interrogator Exclusive

Jealous imaginary hubby charges wife with bigamy, claiming she is also married to two other fictional heroes!

Sean Leopard, sexy fictional toy boy in this year's best-seller romance novel, Love's Dark Passion, has filed suit against his alluring writer-wife, Panthera Le Noir, after learning that two of their children were actually fathered by characters from other books. He says he's further outraged that the other guys are from completely different literary genres. "I buttered her bread for five years, and she gives it up for a barbarian and a cowboy?"

The Interrogator staff found Ms. Le Noir self-assured and smiling in the weight room of her classy downtown Dallas condo—which Leopard claims he paid for. As the main character of Passion, he dared death, but she cashed in on the publishing contract. "Sean never meant that much to me, except as a means to a royalty check," she claims. She says Leopard can't sue her because he and the kids are merely virtual.

Sean Leopard's real-life Hollywood lawyer, Dragnet Deep, has high hopes for the suit. "This is going to be a landmark decision that will affect all virtual persons everywhere," he noted. He plans to bring Leopard's anxious fans to the stand to demonstrate his reality with vivid accounts of their lurid sexual fantasies about the hunk. This doesn't worry Ms. Le Noir, though. She comments, "Besides me, nobody has actually seen Sean down to his underwear except those sleazy imaginary bimbos he picks up in fictional bars."

Deep explains Leopard's legal angle. "Look, Sean is just a regular guy trying to get the same basic rights as everybody else. Limiting his computer screen time is denying him the right to life. Technically, he qualifies as a disabled person, and as such, he is entitled to special consideration under the law. He may be just a character in a novel, but he has rights, and I'm here to see he gets them."

This week the raven-haired Ms. Le Noir revealed the details of her complicated married life to reporters in Dallas. Before a stunned crowd on CBX's Sidelight Show, she explained to host Lori Lovich how she kept three non-existent lovers happy and out of each other's sight. "It was easy," a pouting Panthera said. "I just put them on separate bookshelves."

Her big mistake came when she accidentally saved a hot love scene with metal-clad Krud of fantasy adventure Barbarian Nights on the wrong disc. Jealous hubby Leopard read her steamy desert rendezvous with Krud, and hit the roof.

"I still don't know how it happened," she sniffed. "Sean wants a divorce, and he threatened to take everything, even the kids. Thank God I keep them on a separate hard drive!"

And who is the fourth party to this affair? Why none other than Dakota Iron, who was busy tracking down fellow hired gun Chunk Deadwood in the top-selling western, The Slope of Midnight. When we interviewed him at the Rusty Spur Saloon in downtown Las Vegas he commented, "I haven't got time to take that woman's affairs to hand. I'll always love her but a real man's gotta keep ridin'. There's outlaws need brought to justice."

More legal battles are up and coming for Panthera and her number one hubby though. Panthera says she is planning to end the twelve episode hit series with a scene in which Sean burns to death in a car crash following a brutal biker slug-fest. She vows

she will send him to hell, and describe every grueling second of it. "It will take Sean a long, long time to die!" Meanwhile, he is pleading for police protection. "Please don't let her write!" he begged on camera. Now she fears he will escape by e-mail attachment and finish the novel his way. The FBI has stepped in to detain Sean's disc in a secure location. "I feel violated!" says Panthera, who has filed a restraining order against the FBI.

What do hubbies number two and three think of all this? "Maybe I'll sue her next," says Krud. "I'd like a last name and better clothes. This g-string is killing me."

Says Dakota Iron from a saloon in Rabid Dog, Montana, "I been rode hard, and put away wet. I'll never forgive Panthera for that." Both Sean and Panthera are writing exposés, and racing for competing publication dates early next year. Panthera, with the slight advantage of being a real person, is also wrangling with producers over soon-to-be-released movie Nightmare Inferno of Love, directed by Steuben Spoilburp. The National Interrogator predicts this sizzler will be worth a cool three hundred million. Just remember you saw it here in the Interrogator first.

Will Sean Leopard have his way with Panthera? Or will she "make a killing" before the most stunning marriage battle of the season comes to trial? Stick with the National Interrogator, as we bring you the latest breaking news in this shocking four-way affair.

©2006 Candy Davis

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Candy Davis, founder of Ink Dance Literary Services, writes award-winning novels, short stories, and screenplays, two of which have been sold and one produced. Recent publications include articles on marketing fiction and screencraft in the 2006 and 2007 Writer's Market and Writer's Guide to Literary Agents. To learn more, visit Ink Dance on the Web at www.InkDance.biz

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