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EST. May 2000 (AD)

 
 

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Six Telltale Signs You're With Mr. Wrong

By Lefonda Lefever

We all want to feel loved and be in a successful relationship. Sometimes it's hard to know when to draw the line and realize that no amount of couples' therapy is going to change what is inherently wrong with your relationship. Here's how six women knew when to kick him to the curb.

6 He Never Learns Your Name

I loved my fiancé so much, but he always called me "Joan." My name is Terri. I don't think that's funny. How could I spend the rest of my life with a man who couldn't remember my name?

5 He's Gassy and Lies

My boyfriend of two years had a problem with flatulence. He always said he was blowing me kisses. Sometimes he would say, "Did you hear that barking spider?"

I decided I couldn't devote my life to a man who wasn't honest. I know we don't have any barking spiders.

4 He's Cheap

My boyfriend and I were together for three years. He told me he would buy me a ring for our three year anniversary. Not an engagement ring. Just a ring. He told me he'd pay for half of it and that it couldn't cost more than $40. I had to break up with him. I was tired of buying my own burritos at Taco Bell. I deserve a man who can afford to pay for both of our burritos.

3 He's A Serial Killer

I fell in love with a guy after only a few dates. On our third date he took me back to his house. He put me in a deep concrete pit and wouldn't feed me for days. He would lower lotion in a bucket and scream, "It rubs the lotion on its skin!"

At first when I saw him dancing around in a costume made from the flesh of women I thought, "He's quirky!"

But then I decided we just weren't compatible.

2 He's Very Hairy

When I first met Harry, I thought he was very masculine. His shirts that he wore unbuttoned to his navel revealed just how hairy his chest really was. Sexy! But then one day he gave me a plastic baggy full of his back hair. I didn't even know he shaved it. I didn't really understand the gesture, but it had something to do with giving me a piece of him, so I thought it was sweet.

I threw the baggy in my bathroom drawer and forgot about it, but then it became like a habit with him. I was having to buy big plastic bins to store all of his "hair presents." I finally said to myself, "I just don't have enough storage space to stay with him anymore."

I kicked him to the curb and had a truck deliver all of his hair back to him. That was the hardest break-up I've ever had. A girlfriend of mine works in a bank. She found a baggy of back hair on the floor. We both knew he was trying to get back together with me. I can't see shag carpet or fuzzy things without thinking of him.

1 He's Crude

I have a memory disorder. I often forget where I've put things. Naturally I would ask my husband if he knew where certain things were. It got to where he'd only respond with the same comment over and over again…"If it were up your butt you'd know!"

I thought that was very insensitive. One day I just "forgot" to go home and have never seen him since. He doesn't know where I am. When he calls my friends and family to ask where I am, they all tell him… "If she were up your butt you'd know!"

© 2007 LaFonda LaFever

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

LaFonda LaFever is not a porn star.