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EST. May 2000 (AD)

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November
HW Computer Tutorial
Goddess Horoscopes
Age Defying Secrets of the Stars!
Relationship Advice from Romance Novels

 

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Rachel Zoe Thanksgiving
Lose 57 lbs. by Christmas
Antique Linens as Emergency Shrouds
Reaching Holiday Perfection
Turkey 101
The Carve Craze
Stress Free Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving Quiz


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Age-Defying Secrets of the Stars!

 

By Amani Redd


Jennifer Aniston ensures she only breathes the purest air by not allowing anyone in the room to exhale in her presence.  She also has servants perform stressful tasks for her, such as changing channels with the TV remote and picking up things that have dropped to the floor.

Kate Winslet keeps her porcelain complexion by re-creating her harrowing scene from Titanic.  “I jump into a frigid ocean and cling to an old door for a few hours.”  The coldness of the water really whitens my skin, and all the adrenalin from getting rescued from near death brings a rosy glow to my cheeks.”

Teri Hatcher moisturizes with oil from a rare, nearly extinct flower in the Himalayas.  “It’s endangered, so you know it’s good,” she recently said.   

Scarlett Johanssen is actually a robot.


Madonna bathes in the tears of ex-lovers.  The fiftysomething entertainer has been collecting men’s tears since 1986.  For a special treat, she mixes the tears with mud to make a very effective, very vengeful facial mask.     

Goldie Hawn knows that a woman’s hair is her crown.  “The right hairdo makes all the difference.  Get a stylist who knows how to hide your wrinkles and crow’s feet with your feet.”  Hawn’s bangs are currently at her chin.  We’re actually not sure that was Goldie Hawn we spoke with.  Could’ve been Cousin It.


ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Amani Redd a freelance comedy writer in Los Angeles who has written for Real Time with Bill Maher. She wishes every political campaign were as entertaining as a Kate Hudson rom-com.

© 2012 Amani Redd

OTHER HW ARTICLES BY AMANI REDD

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