PUBLISHED MONTHLY
EST. May 2000 (AD)

 
 

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Marriage Advice

By Kim Kardashian

Dear Kim: I am a newlywed and my wife Lucy has expressed an interest in a show business career. What is the best way for her to go about it?

I Love Lucy

Dear Person: I suggest she make a sex tape with a rapper and then have her mother leak it to the media. I think a career is great idea as I could never have stayed with my husband Kris as long as I did without it.

Dear Kim: My husband to-be and I have our hearts set on a huge wedding but we really can’t afford it. What would you suggest?

Penniless in Peoria

Dear Person: You should get E! to pay for it! They paid for mine and it was beautiful. My mom handled most of the arrangements but I think you could just call them and ask. Maybe ask for Ryan.

Dear Kim: We would love to have our wedding in a large country house, it has always been a dream of mine, what would you suggest?

Country Gal

Dear Person: Ask all of your friends and relatives who own mansions to loan theirs to you.  Pick the one you like most and have it there!

Dear Kim:I just broke off my engagement. To be honest I never really loved him and I was seeing someone else the whole time. The big question is, should I return the engagement ring?

4 Karat Kate

Dear Person: Nope. It’s yours. You got the ring in exchange for letting him touch your kookoo. It’s only fair.

Dear Kim:  My husband will simply not put the seat down after he goes to the washroom. I’ve whined begged and pleased, but still he never remembers, what should I do?

Wet in Wisconsin

Dear Person: Maybe you got caught up in the fairy tale.  I think maybe you expected things to be different? Maybe talk to your sisters and then your mom and then maybe your manager and get their opinion. After they tell you what they think, maybe talk to them again, then maybe tell the tabloids, and then maybe then can tell him.

 

Dear Kim: I am married to the most wonderful man on earth however, each year the same problem arises, we simply cannot agree on where to go on vacation! This year I want to go to Italy and he wants to go to Hawaii, we have agreed to let you be the tie-breaker, can you help us?

Vanessa wants Venice

Dear Person: You should go and maybe file divorce papers. I know it might be embarrassing after spending 10 million on a wedding but like, you, like, deserve to be happy too.

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© 2012 Sharon Grehan-Howes