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EST. May 2000 (AD)

 
 

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Travel Tips from Author Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi

We were thrilled to have New York Times best-selling author Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi here as she takes up very little space. This busy scribe is the author of “Shore Thing”, “Confessions of a Guidette” and “Gorilla Beach” and she stopped into HWHQ for a decaf iced latte, four crullers, a juicebox and half a Quiznos sub. She was happy to share her fave travel tips with you, our very fortunate and dear readers!

Hey!!! I’m happy to give the readers of HW some travel tips and because I’m a best

selling author and I’m getting payed so I will do my best to akomodate!

Because of my acting work on the Jersey Shore, I’m away for craploads of time so I’ve learned the packing essentshals for a beech vacation! Here is what I personally would take on a one week vacay.

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And that’s it! Oh, yah--- underwears! For sure you’re going to need at least one payer—if you often piss...(sorry I sometimes get mixed up when I’m doing formal crap) whizz on yourself you might need two.

Dresses should be maid of a comfable material. You should be able to wear them from the minute you wake up until the minute you pass out.

Makeup

Try not to shower more than once every couple of weeks otherwise your patina will wear off wetnaps are a excellat substuton.

Hairspray is crazy versitil, not only can you use it after teesing your hair, you can also use it to spray your makeup in place! You’ll need a suitcase for that and oh! spray tan of course, for two weeks you’ll need about 14 bottles, my motto is go brown or go home!

Random Tips

Oh, here’s a good one, if you are not sure of the qwality of the drinking water then you should bring your own vodka. And if you are over 35 you should probably cover up because your skin looks like balls. Oh, that sounds racist! I don’t mean it to, what I mean is that old people look gross, that’s all. I also don’t like really fat people—so you see I’m not racist I just like things that don’t look like ass.

(Oh and I just remembered that one of my best friends is a Oriental so I guess that proves that I’m not racial in any way.)

As far as I know, there are three beeches in the world, one in Italy one in Miami and one in Jersey. Jersey is the best because it has more alcohol per square foot but you have to be drove there. I also think it it’s the safest but I’m not sure. You want to have police around not so much that they will arrest you for drunk and disorderly again, but enough so that they won’t let you try to sleep in the ocean.

Try not sleep with someone until you’ve known them for 15 minutes, there are all sorts of creepers out there (I’m looking at you Mike) and you don’t want to catch something like a disease or baby*.

It’s easy to gain weight when on vacation so if you skip food and drink fruity drinks you won't get as fat as Jessica Simpson did when she got preggo.

There are countries where people can get stolen so don’t go to those places.

I won’t be having any fun for the next 20 weeks for sure (WAH) because me and Jionni are expecting a baby* (see above) We are all set, I’ve got about 20 leopard and zebra skinned onesies! I’ve also got some sort of carrier so I’ll be able to bring the baby with me under my arm almost anywhere I go and then it’ll be back to the shore!

©2012 S.Grehan-Howes