EST. May 2000 (AD)


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Drinking Water Ruined My Life

By Beatrice Hatch

Water makes up two thirds of the earth's surface area and seventy percent of the human body. We couldn't survive without it. Even magicians need water. David Blaine has been buried, frozen, stood very still and lived without food for a long time. But sharp -eyed fans would have noticed him having a quick slurp of water during his publicity-awareness-raising magic piece "above the below" where he bravely endured taunts, sausage missiles and "moonies" from the unappreciative British public whilst selflessly starving himself in a Perspex box.

Every girl knows that water isn't just necessary to keep things alive. It has a far more important role to play. Sassy girls recognize that water is an essential part of the beauty regime. YES ladies. Even more crucial than fake tan and hair straighteners.

The importance of water to the beautiful is no recent discovery. Archaeologists looting Queen Nefertiti's tomb noticed strange, hitherto-untranslated runic hieroglyphs carved in eyeliner near the royal casket. After a few months Professor Myleen-Shannon Duke of the North Carolina Beauty and Egyptology college had worked it out.

"Nefertiti wanted her last message to be one which would seriously enhance the aesthetic quality of women's lives for centuries to come. It's taken a while but we are pretty sure her message was this: at least 8 glasses of water a day, ladies. You'll thank me. Trust me."

Well, that advice has held good for a fair few years. It's certainly been demonstrated that water assists weight loss and improves the skins appearance Have you ever known of a supermodel who doesn't carry a massive bottle of water around with her along with her emetics and spiritual guidebook? That's no accident. And many beauty products are ninety percent water, proving that outside as well as in, water has a role to play in the modern woman's daily beauty routine.

Sadly, as with many life-enhancing products, water is open to abuse. Some people just aren't strong enough to keep a sense of balance in their lives. Pressure of modern living and the increasing profile of water in the media causes some women to spiral out of control. Mira Hannovitch was one such casualty.

"I've always been a water drinker-really ever since I was a kid. My Mom encouraged me to drink plenty telling me it would get rid of my rampant acne. I guess I became obsessed with exactly how much water I was drinking about the time I started college. And then I started reading all this stuff about how you
dehydrate in air con, or in heating, or from breathing, or from drinking coffee and I was like 'Oh my gosh!' I do all those things. How am I gonna have enough time to make up for all those bad water evaporating things I do just being me as well as get eight glasses a day"

Mira realized after a couple of years that her water drinking was becoming a problem. She couldn't attend class any more as her tutor banned drinks in the lecture theatre on account of the new seating. Her relationship with boyfriend Josh deteriorated and eventually broke down as she refused to have full relations with him on the grounds that she would need to drink at least a litre of fluid to replace those lost in sweat, panting and tears of ecstasy. She got help though, and now keeps to a daily limit of ten glasses.

"I urge you to keep a close eye on your water consumption" Mira continues "I know how it can takeover your life. I am also campaigning for there to be less images of models with high fluid intakes, and generally less glamorization of water drinking in the media overall. But ,don't be afraid to get help if you feel that water has too important a place in your life"

©2004 Beatrice Hatch


Beatrice Hatch is thirty one and lives in London (England). She likes rain and cricket and has a very small refrigerator.