Hula
for
Health!
By Elizabeth
Hanes
Shake up your workout routine by
discovering this ancient art form!
Cher does it. So does Elizabeth
Taylor. Not to mention Emme, Anna Nicole Smith, and Roseanne.
In case you haven't heard, hula is the trendiest workout going!
Hula is an age-old Hawaiian dance form. It requires little
skill, mainly an ability to wiggle your hips and enjoy ukulele
music. But as these Hollywood luminaries have discovered,
hula provides a terrific aerobic workout!
"The stomach stapling was all well
and good to initially shed that 280 pounds," says Roseanne,
"but to stay trim and fit, I wiggle into my grass skirt and
shake my booty every day."
Now you can take advantage of this
craze and hula for health every day. Here's how:
First, you'll need to assemble the
appropriate workout gear. Start saving lawn clippings now,
so you can sew them into a grass skirt throughout the summer.
Figure on needing about eight large trash bags of clippings
to create one skirt. (Quick-start method: take a weed whacker
to your neighbor's ornamental pampas grass or small palm trees.
Do this at night and make sure they don't have any barking
dogs.) Use a very fine needle and thread to join the blades
of grass together until you've got a bushy skirt. Attach an
elastic band to the top, and you're ready to go. Also, don't
forget to make similar grass ankle bracelets, one for each
foot, to get an authentic look.
You can wear any old bra top, if
you wish, but the really ambitious (and not extremely endowed)
can make a coconut bra. Simply chop a coconut in half with
an axe or chainsaw, scoop out enough of the white flesh to
accommodate your bosoms, and join the two halves together
with twine. You'll look sensational!
Next, you need to find some old
Don Ho or Tiny Tim records (it's doubtful you'll be able to
find them on CD, so you should dust off your turntable or
8-track player). Fresh tropical flowers for your hair wouldn't
hurt, either.
Put on the music and start imitating
the hula dancers you've seen in old Bob Hope movies. Swish
your hips back and forth while you make pretty gestures with
your arms and hands. That's all there is to it! The average
hula workout burns about 20 calories per hour. You'll be shedding
excess fat and toning those tummy muscles in no time!
For a step-by-step video guide
that includes several selections of top-rated hula music,
PLUS complete instructions on how to make money by setting
up a hula studio in your neighborhood, place $47.50 (US) cash
in a plain brown paper bag and tape it under the sink in the
women's restroom located on the "L" concourse at the Honolulu
Airport. Don't forget to include your name and address! Allow
6-8 weeks for delivery, 7-10 years if convicted.
©2001 Elizabeth Hanes
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