PUBLISHED MONTHLY
EST. May 2000 (AD)

 
 

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The Variety Ice Diet

Guaranteed to melt those pounds!

By Stephanie Wolfe

 

Day One:


Breakfast:


One cup crushed ice.


Lunch:


3 medium-sized ice cubes.


Dinner:


½ cup chipped ice.


Snack:


One small ice-water popsicle.


Day Two:


Breakfast:


One cup shaved ice.


Lunch:


½ cup crushed ice


Dinner:


2 ice cubes.


Snack:


One small ice-water popsicle


Day Three:


Breakfast:


1 cup chipped ice


Lunch:


1 cup shaved ice


Dinner:


½ cup crushed ice


Snack:


1 entire swan-shaped ice sculpture




Secrets of the Variety Ice Diet:


Repeat the three days of this diet over and over again until you achieve that gaunt, skeletal look all women desire. You may switch the days around to obtain the desired variety- for example, you may want to start with Day Two, move back to Day One, then skip ahead to Day Three.


Lightheadedness may occur while following the Variety Ice Diet. Congratulations, this means the diet is working! If the lightheadedness persists for longer than 48 hours, this means you're not getting enough exercise. Go for a five-mile jog or do a one-hour-long workout tape. You may experience other symptoms, such as irregular heartbeat, cardiac arrest, kidney and liver damage, fainting spells, and seizures. Should any of these occur, eat one ice cube. Should death occur, call 911.


Never eat icicles hanging from outside your house. These icicles may contain particles from your roof, along with environmental pollutants. These substances may contain harmful calories and may cause you to gain back the weight you've lost on the Variety Ice Diet. Avoid ingesting icicles at all cost.


Dry ice may cause severe burns. As burns are terribly unattractive, it is recommended you do not eat dry ice.

 

© 2003 Stephanie Wolfe

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Stephanie Wolfe is a stay-at-home-mom, writing admist the chaos of a military husband, an active, teething 9 month old son, and more laundry than she could ever get done in one lifetime. Contact Stephanie at stephaniewolfe@artheon.com
stephaniewolfe@artheon.com