BRIDE DISH | HOROSCOPE | ADVICE FROM THE GODMOTHER |POSTCARDS FROM PARIS | SCIENCE | TRAVEL JENNA'S DIARY
FEATURES |CELEBRITIES| RELATIONSHIPS | BEAUTY &STYLE | TIPS AND TRICKS | DIY | SPECIAL REPORTS |HEALTH & FITNESS
Christine's wedding is tomorrow. Yay.
I can't WAIT until this is over as it has been exactly zero fun so far. I've spent tons of money and all I've got to show for it is an ugly dress with a "shrug" (blech) that even makes my feet look fat. It totally sucks that Julie, who is six months pregnant and very bloated, still looks better than I do.
I hate the dress, I hate the shoes, I hate the hairstyle Christine chose for us, I hate the shrug, I hate the word shrug and I hate everyone other than Julie and Christine in the wedding party and there is still time to change my mind about that.
It's weird, because out of the three of us I think we could all agree that I was the one who was destined for greatness. I haven't actually talked to Julie and Christine about this but I am sure they think that too. So why is everything fabulous happening for everyone else and why does everything stink for me? It's not fair.
I guess fairness doesn't come into it because if it did then I would be the one getting married and I'd be the one pregnant and I'd also be the Maid-of Honour (I wouldn't be the Maid of Honour at my own wedding of course, that would be tacky) and if we're really being fair, I'd also be a bestselling novelist and weigh 15 pounds less.
I'll get my own back. When each of them gets divorced and and want to remarry and I'm rich and famous and they ask me to be in their wedding party again I'll say " "Uh... yeah, no."
Or maybe I will agree but I will set conditions like I get to be in charge of dresses and hair but not the other crap they have been talking about for the past six months. I might fly them to my Carribbean Island for a party but no way am I throwing a bridal shower although I will generously donate the use of my mansion's foyer for the shower even though I will be personally be too busy to attend.
I don't know why this is bugging me so much. I'm not jealous of Christine that's for sure, who in their right mind would marry Paul? I'm sure he looked like he should be doing someone's taxes even in his kindergarten photo. Christine could do a better. Not a lot better, but better.
I think I'm in a bit of rut. The day after tomorrow I'm going to make some changes for sure, now I just have to get through this.
I have nothing to wear to the rehearsal dinner tonight, absolutely nothing. I do have a gorgeous little black dress that I got at Marshall's but no way am I wasting it on this especially since I've been paired with Julie's brother who used to expose himself when drunk. He's supposedly been cured but he still has bad breath and a lazy eye so I'm not wasting anything new and/or sexy.
Eck. Another tweet. Christine is passing out somewhere because the centerpieces don't have enough hyacinths. Children are starving in Africa and she's worried about centerpieces? Really? If it was me getting married I would donate all my centerpieces to starving children. Some people are more caring than others I guess.
Ack! I can't face this. I'm going to text Christine and tell her I can't make the rehearsal because... of food poisoning. Yes! Brilliant! I won't mention specifically the food that poisoned me because it might be on the menu tomorrow and it might be delicious and I don't want to narrow my options.
God I wish I'd thought of this hours ago!
Christine has blown up my phone with texts but I am too "sick" to reply. What's the big deal with a rehearsal anyway? It's not Broadway. Walk in a straight line and stop when you hit the altar. Reverse process at the end. I don't know why I should suffer through another hour of Christineapalooza just because the rest of her friends are simpletons.
I can hardly wait until it's this time tomorrow when it will be all over and I can relax.
I need TV and takeout stat.
******Continued next week