PUBLISHED MONTHLY
EST. May 2000 (AD)

 
 

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Jennas Diary Week By Week

November 20th
I've got a definite glow about me that's for sure. I'm still sick during the day and my stomach is totally wonky but I have a look that reflects my inner peace.
ve been sticking to the soup diet because I do think it's healthy with all the veggies and all but I might have to add meat.

I'll go out at lunch to get the pregnancy test just to be 100% positive.

2:30 p.m.
None of those pregnancy tests work. The one's I finally figured out said I wasn't pregnant.

Hello? A woman knows this kind of thing. Especially me because I'm so in tune with my body.

My stomach is still upset. I've been eating dried crackers and ginger ale like Julie recommended and that seems to help with the nausea.  I got a whole bunch of magazines about pregnancy and babies and they're great!  I love the yummy mummy trend. There are hundreds of pictures of my mom when she was pregnant with me and she had to wear big puffy "smock" tops—thank God I don't have to wear those, I'd look like a whale. Isn't it weird how I spent years trying to hide my gut and now I'm going to highlight it? This pregnancy thing is working out on so many levels.  

I have been imagining what my life will be like once the baby comes. Adam-Byron (I think that's a good name) taking his first steps with me (very thin) taking videos of him.

Adam-Byron rushing home from school with a clay imprint of his hand that says I Love Mommy. How I'll be sitting there with a bunch of my friends and I'll smile at him, and all my friends will go, "Jenna's a great mother."

How I'll take him to the park and everyone will go "You look too young to have a child" and "what a beautiful baby" and I'll smile modestly with my eyes downcast. We'll live in a house with a wading pool and a weeping willow. My husband (the neurosurgeon) who I meet in hilarious circumstances yet to be determined when Adam-Byron is a toddler, adores his family and we go to Mustique every year for vacation. My mother (who Adam-Byron calls Cha Cha) adores the baby and her stupid big mouth friend Rosemarie dies of jealousy.

We live a long, happy, affluent life and Adam-Bryon and his sister Isabella Brianna marry into society and we spend our retirement in Connecticut and die at the age of 92 in each other's arms.

9:07
ETA Only me and my husband die in each other's arms, not the kids.

November 21st.
I told Julie about the baby shower and Christine is going to murder me if she finds out.

It's all her fault anyway, she has known for years that I can't keep a secret. Besides, Julie suspected that there was going to be a shower held by someone at sometime and it was likely that out of the two of her best friends it was going to be Christine because I'm too irresponsible, it had to be before the baby is born so really where's the surprise?

It's a bit of relief for me anyway because now I don't have to think of ideas for the showers as Julie does it for me. For instance my/Julie's idea of fondue was very well received by Christine.  As the person in charge of entertainment and refreshments I'd planned to have a tequila luge and a stripper but instead Julie suggested virgin and non virgin Bloody Mary's along with wine and soda. She also had a list of party games that to me seem lame but Julie assured me they'd be a big hit.

It is in my best interest to be agreeable as possible as my baby shower will likely be the next one.

God I feel sick. I am dizzy and nauseous and bound up like no one's business; the next eight months are not going to be any picnic. My mother is not going to take this well. She's going to probably insist I marry Wayne until she meets him. She's going to lecture me about promiscuity and responsibility. She's not going to appreciate this marvelous gift I am bestowing upon her. She won't appreciate the sacrifices that I am making to...

God, I need crackers.

9:30
I contacted Wayne on Facebook, I have to tell him I'm pregnant, there is no other choice (well there is, there is the option not to tell him but if I want to get child support down the line I better memorialize things now. God I love Judge Judy.) I told him I had something to tell him and he sent a return message immediately (of course he has nothing better to do than troll Facebook)

To Jenna Thompson
From Wayne Dobbs

Babe!
B-n trying to get in touch with you!  What's UR cell #?
Way-dog

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To Wayne Dobbs
From Jenna Thompson
I don't have a cell or even a landline, I need to talk to you about something, can we meet for coffee?

Jenna

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To Jenna Thompson
From Wayne Dobbs
Junebug!
Id luv to see you, how bout we go for dinner? Trestos is rght round corner frm u? Tomorrow 8?
W xox

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To Wayne Dobbs
From Jenna Thompson
Tim Horton's is right next to Trestos, I will meet you there at 8.
Jenna
PS. Don't call me Junebug.

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To Jenna Thompson
From Wayne Dobbs

J-Wow,
K.  But how bout we meet at Starbucks?
W xoxoxoxoxo

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To Wayne Dobbs
From Jenna Thompson
OK Starbucks at 8 p.m.
Jenna
Don't call me J-Wow either.

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To  Jenna Thompson
From Wayne Dobbs
Jeana
Am little short can u spot me.
W xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

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To Wayne Dobbs
From Jenna Thompson
If you were short then why did you invite me to dinner? Oh, never mind.  Also I can only stay about 15 minutes.
Jenna
(See above for correct spelling of my name)

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To  Jenna Thompson
From Wayne Dobbs
OK Jena c u then.
W xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxsoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

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Ugh. Why would I sleep with someone like that?
_________________________________________________________________________

Excerpt from Jayde An Extraordinary Woman in Ordinary Times

An Unathorized Autobiography By Jenna Thompson


Special Agent Trevor McCord raced down the corridor of St. Jude's Hospital. He grabbed a nurse and demanded "What room is Jayde (HAVE TO THINK OF LAST NAME HERE. MAYBE SOMETHING CLASSY LIKE WORDSWORTH?) in?

The nurse consulted her chart and said "Room 131 however…" but Special Agent Trevor McCord released her and raced down the hall in that order.

"Jayde!" Special Agent Trevor Mc Cord yelled hopefully as he entered room 131 but his shout fell on empty walls.  The nurse entered as he looked violently around the room.

"I tried to tell you that she discharged herself an hour ago."

Special Agent Trevor Mc Cord fell to his knees in shock and awe. Jayde had once again outwitted him.

 *****Continued next week Last week