PUBLISHED MONTHLY
EST. May 2000 (AD)

 
 

Send a Free Retro E-Card

 

Popular Columns:

Jenna's Diary

Week One

October 5th

Christine's wedding is tomorrow. Yay.

I can't WAIT until this is over as it has been exactly zero fun so far. I've spent tons of money and all I've got to show for it is an ugly dress with a "shrug" (blech) that even makes my feet look fat.  It totally sucks that Julie, who is six months pregnant and very bloated, still looks better than I do.

I hate the dress, I hate the shoes, I hate the hairstyle Christine chose for us, I hate the shrug, I hate the word shrug and I hate everyone other than Julie and Christine in the wedding party and there is still time to change my mind about that. MORE

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Week Two

October 16th
I am so hungover I wish I could die. I've been vomiting so frequently and so violently that I've broken blood vessels in my eyes. I look like I've been punched from the inside.

I'm going to move. I'm going to move far, far away and start a new life. There is nothing for me here. Oh, God.

I've had my phone turned off since Sunday and I've haven't gone near the computer. I just can't face anyone especially Julie and Christine. They are going to be FURIOUS. MORE

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Week Three

October 18th

I hate my life. I hate my apartment, I hate my job and my friends hate me. I've got to get out of this rut.

Jenna:

Pros

·         Good-looking

·         Not fat

·         Has the potential to be a bestselling novelist if only she had time to write

·         Of superior intelligence

·         Extraordinarily empathetic

·         Extremely talented in most artistic fields but most especially writing

Cons

·         Could lose 10 pounds

·         Has worst job in the world. MORE

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Week Four

October 25th

This is perfect. I bought a bunch of writer clothes and they suit me to a "T".

A black scoop neck top (I was going to get a turtleneck but it pushes the fat on my neck up too high) loads of turquoise jewellery topped with a loose flowy shirt.

I truly look like a writer.

 

Book Thoughts:

 

Perfect. MORE

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Week 5

November 4th

ARGHHHHH. Christine  wants me to help with Julie's baby shower and I'm pissed. It's not just that I don't want to help but I really think that I should be the one in charge of it and she should be the one helping me! Once again Christine has appointed herself boss of everything under the sun.

She asked me to think of themes. (Themes?  It's a baby shower, wouldn't the theme be baby? ) And I told her I'd think about it when I had time but that I was pretty busy.MORE

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Week 6

 

November 15th

Mr. Van Heusan told me I'd misfiled seven invoices and I burst into tears—how strange is that? Usually when he or my mother tells me I've made a mistake I yawn or pretend I can't hear them but today I cried. Weird.

November 16th

Oh My God. I don't know why I didn't piece this together.

Weight gain.

Nausea.

Mood swings.

I'm pregnant.

MORE

 

WEEK 7

November 20th
I've got a definite glow about me that's for sure. I'm still sick during the day and my stomach is totally wonky but I have a look that reflects my inner peace.
ve been sticking to the soup diet because I do think it's healthy with all the veggies and all but I might have to add meat.

I'll go out at lunch to get the pregnancy test just to be 100% positive.
MORE


Week 8

November 22th

I feel awful, so sick. I can't bear going through this alone for the next…8? 9 months? I've really gone off the idea. Eck.

To make things worse Julie is driving me bat shit crazy talking about the shower. She came over last night to give me a list of games and I can't believe she expects grown women to play them. Measuring Mommy's Tummy? Guess How Many Safety Pins?  Make Julie's Baby? (This is a doozy where everyone has to predict what Julie's baby will look like. They have to pair off and after searching and clipping segments form baby magazines they have to create sort of Franken-baby.I'd love to sneak in a copy of National Geographic but I bet they'd know it was me.) MORE

WEEK 9 Jenna's Diary

November 20th

Thanksgiving Day
Yikes. When my mom told me she was having the dinner I asked if there was anything I could bring. I said it the same way you say "How are you doing?" or "Are you sure there isn't anything I can do?" so I expected her to say  "Nothing dear, just bring yourself!" like she has always done. Instead she asked me to bring dessert. How rude is that?

I couldn't make my mind what to bring. Pumpkin Pie is so pedestrian but Sacher Torte from LuAnn's Gateux is so expensive. Then I thought maybe I'd make some cookies and cupcakes but I've been using my oven to store boots and it hasn't snowed yet.

MORE