Diary of a Mad Date

 

by Sharon Grehan-Howes

 

June 4 Well, Malcolm hasn't called but I'm pretty sure the construction on the street has knocked the phone lines out.

 

Also, I blow dried my hair at noon.

 

June 7 Got a hang-up call today. I was pretty sure it was him and phoned him back. He claimed he didn't call, but it's hardly the kind of thing you're going to admit to is it? I must have awakened him because he didn't recognize my voice, or for that matter, my name. I told him I had free tickets to The Lion King on Saturday and he said he'd get back to me.

 

June 8 Ticketmaster rejected my Visa, so I have to bring down a certified cheque for $150.00. Wow, do all shows cost that much or just the ones with animals? My Mom is pretty pissed at me for canceling out on my brother's wedding Saturday, but it's not as if I'm in the wedding party or anything, and it is his second wedding. I'll be at the church.

 

What do you wear to a show like that?

 

June 10 Phoned him to find out what time we should meet and he said "For what?" He's so funny. It took me four hours to get from the church to the theatre. It's a good thing I left in the middle of the ceremony or I would have been late. God he's funny. When I woke him after the performance, he said "thank God that's over.". I laughed all the way home, the bus driver must have thought I was nuts.

 

I was hoping to have a drink afterwards, but he had to do laundry.

 

June 12 I think there's something wrong with his answering machine, because I've left a message, well actually seven, and he hasn't called. I know he's there, because his car is outside. He lives in this gorgeous neigbourhood--it's so close it only takes me three buses! If he had a dog, maybe I would run into him as he's walking it.

 

My mom is still not speaking to me.

 

June 13 There was no answer at the door, but I saw the curtains move. I held the dog's nose to the window. Malcolm was so surprised! I didn't know he had allergies, but it was great, we talked and talked and talked, and I really felt in sync with him. Too bad his kettle was boiling dry.

 

June 14 The Humane Society does not have an exchange or refund policy. They should really have a sign posted.

 

 

June 15 Oh, my GOD!!!!! I just got home!!!!!!!!!!! We finally DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

 

Last night I went to that bar he always goes to. I walked in and tried to catch his eye, but he didn't see me. I followed him round and round until he turned around and said "Since it doesn't look like you're going you might as well sit down." He's so funny!

 

We had a great time, we talked and talked and laughed. I bought him eight pints and took him home in a cab.It was so wonderful--it wasn't just physical, we made a connection so deep it was scary. I know he was overwhelmed too, because when he woke up he just said "Oh, shit."

 

I'm so happy!

 

I vacuumed, reorganized his cutlery drawer and told him I'd be back later.

 

June 16 I can't drink red wine. I really shouldn't have had the whole bottle, but it seemed such a waste. On the way over to his place, I picked up some things he needed like toilet paper, deodorant and a shoe tree, but there was no answer so I waited on the stoop. Around ten, his roommate Frank arrived and let me use the washroom. He's really sweet. I guess I shouldn't have opened the bottle, but by about one a.m. the cold was really getting to me.

 

I don't know when I fell asleep, but I wish I hadn't vomited first.

 

June 17 He wasn't at work when I dropped by nor was he at home. His neighbours are really nice though, one of them offered me a Diet Coke.I think I'm going to like living in this area.

 

Boy is his roommate ever moody though. He told me he would call the police if I kept calling.

 

I think he's just jealous.

 

The beagle ate my dress shoes.

 

June 18 I hid in the bushes by his house. He pulled up about two. As he was getting out of the truck I jumped out and yelled "TA DA I'm not wearing any underpants" I wish I had seen the girl before I yelled that last bit. Her name is Cheryl Hann--she seemed nice. Although he was with her I could tell he was yearning for me. I felt so sorry for her. She must have felt like a real loser.

 

I picked up my picnic basket, ice bucket, the beagle and caught the last bus home.

 

June 20 His number's out of service and I don't know where he is. I've never seen anyone so frightened by their emotions. I found Cheryl's name in the phone book. I told her it was OK, and not to feel stupid or anything and maybe we could get together for dinner. Wow is she a flake, she just laughed and hung up on me. I guess she just needs time. I read people pretty good.

 

June 21 All my letters come back with "moved" on them. You'd think one of his neighbour's would have told me. It's a shame he didn't get the letters, but maybe it's for the best. I shouldn't have tried to end our relationship through the mail, but he's just too screwed up for me.

 

© Sharon Grehan-Howes