Dogma: How to Dig Up A Date Through Your Dog

 

By Rebecca Ash

 

Having trouble sniffing out a mate? Look no further than your toilet bowl for your key to a successful love life. No, you don't need to recycle your dinner; we're not talking diet here. I'm referring to that unconditional lover...your dog. (Note: you may want to refresh Fifi's water bowl before continuing, unless you prefer her new Eau de Toilette.)

 

Men love a good pooch, and unfortunately I don't mean that stubborn little tummy. For years dogs have been categorized as "man's best friend". Since the discovery of fire, men and dogs have enjoyed a symbiotic existence. They have long admired the domestic dog for a number of reasons, including but not limited to:

 

A dogs' ability to warm feet.

A dogs' lack of speaking ability, which makes pointing out a man's mistakes impossible.

Dogs don't care if the house is a mess, how their owner is dressed, how badly their owner smells (in fact, dogs prefer a piquant scent), or if their owner eats pizza and beer for dinner seven times a week.

Dogs do not require gifts or other thoughtful gestures.

I hardly need recount the myriad reasons that a dog is a fabulous friend for a woman to have (one word: loyalty). And this friend can actually help you snag Mr. Right! It's no wonder that men are attracted to the canine, but how can you turn that attention your way? No need to beg, I can help show you how.

 

Sunday In The Park With Fido: Like dogs, men like to roam in packs and frolic in the grass with balls. It's not unusual to find a large throng of fellows gathered in the park, engaged in some form of sport. Take your fluffy friend for a jaunt in the park and you could get more than a happy pup. The best time to check out the park for prospective beaus is on the weekend, specifically Sunday afternoons. Be sure to dress the part; it is not believable to take your dog for a walk in the park wearing stilettos and a mini skirt. Wear comfortable yet flattering clothes such as form fitting yoga pants, a tight white T-shirt and your cutest trainers. Using a prop, like a Frisbee or tennis ball, can get your future boyfriends attention. Simply toss the toy into the group of gents ("Oops!") and let your pet retrieve!

 

Jogging is more than just a great way to keep toned. By bringing along your dog, you will not only have company (and an alarm against ne'er-do-wells) but a great icebreaker. Do some investigation of different parks in affluent areas and you will undoubtedly discover some eligible bachelors ripe for the picking. Follow the same route your potential mate uses. Feign a charley horse if need be. Your knight in sweating armour will certainly help out an injured animal lover.

 

Dog parks are a veritable treasure trove of potential dates. The dogs are allowed to run free and amuse themselves, allowing you to run free and amuse yourself. Why not check out the best dog parks and dog runs in your area? Some even offer beginning obedience classes so you can train your pooch while training your eye on a good candidate. It's always good to know who can follow direction and listen (in both men and dogs).

 

The Look: A person's choice in canine companions conveys a lot about their personality, both yours and a man's. Here is how you can decipher the canine codes:

 

Men:

 

The enviable and admirable ability of dogs to lick their genitals.

 

Well groomed: If their pet is well maintained and tidy, you can be certain that the owner is as well. If they spend money on haircuts and nail grooming for their dog, they are likely to be just as generous to their girlfriends.

Well behaved: This is a double-edged sword. It could mean that the man likes order (always a good indication of a clean, tidy person) and appreciates good manners. However, it could also mean that they prefer to control those around them, including their girlfriends. This merits further investigation. Listen to how they command their animal (is it overly forceful and intimidating, or no-nonsense underscored with tenderness?) and watch how they respond (do they tug the leash savagely or guide the dog with a gentle touch?).

 

Pure breeds: A man with a pure bred dog knows what he wants and what he likes. He is grounded and may enjoy predictability. He may also enjoy the finer things in life, especially if the dog is a more obscure breed (think Dogue de Bordeaux or Bouvier des Flandres). The breed is a great indication of their personality. For example; Dachshund fanciers have a quirky and fun sense of humour, Golden or Labrador Retriever lovers favour traditionalism and comfort, Jack Russell Terriers portray an energetic and perhaps high-strung person, etcetera. Research the different breeds character traits to get a better understanding of their owners.

Mixed breeds or "mutts": This man is less interested in flashy outside appearances and looks more at what is inside the heart. This can be good news if you have cheated on your diet or have recently encountered hair trauma. These men can also be spontaneous and whimsical. If the dog was rescued from a shelter, the owner may have a "white knight" propensity, which is always good for you princess types. However, they may be thrifty with their finances.

 

Large dogs: This may be the canine equivalent to the Porsche or Corvette. If the gent is balding, wearing a lot of cologne, leering at your breasts, or talking loudly on his Motorola about his financial largess, you should be wary. If not, they may just think that bigger is better (and really, isn't it?).

 

Tiny pooches: This could go one of two ways: either the man is effeminate or simply very confident in himself. Watch the way he walks the dog (do they both prance?), dresses the pup (is Prada involved?), speaks to the animal (high pitched baby talk?), and interacts with other dog owners (are they both snappish?). Either way, introduce yourself. If you don't get a date, you could get a shopping partner.

Ladies:

 

"Froufrou" pets: Think a manicured Maltese, pampered Pomeranian, or coddled Chihuahua. If you have chosen these little sweeties, you portray an air of refinement and high maintenance. You obviously enjoy being well cared for and prefer the finer things. It may be that you simply enjoy the breed and the ability to cart your friend everywhere you go. However, men are more apt to view you as a princess (not that there is anything wrong with that!). If you are seeking a man of means, you're on the right track with your choice of animal accessory. Try a chi chi outdoor cafe.

 

Active animals: Dogs that relish activity, like the Border Collie or Shetland Sheepdog, indicate a more laid-back air. You are saying to the world that you are on the go, adventurous, and hard working. If you are looking for an activity partner or lover of outdoors, you're sending out the right vibe. Try the park.

 

Fluffy dogs: Think Bichon Frise or Poodle. You could be viewed as a lover of comfort. You are warm, tender and passionate. Cuddling is your forte. If you do not want to be perceived as a princess, forego ribbons in your fluffy friends fur. If you are looking for a gent who enjoys relaxing at home or snuggling, you're giving the right message. Try a pet supply store or dog groomer.

 

Large dogs: You may be seen as standoffish or guarded. You are the type of woman who likes protection but is able and willing to provide it for yourself. If you are seeking a man who will respect your independence and admire your prowess, this is the pooch for you. You can go anywhere!

 

Tiny pups: You love to care for and nurturing others. You could be deemed over-protective, so be aware of how much you fuss over your little darling. Your dog might be considered "froufrou", so decide what aura you would like to portray. If what you crave is a man who enjoys to be taken care of, you're sporting the proper pet. You too can go anywhere with success!

 

Men who like dogs are predominantly kind and compassionate people, so you can't ever really go wrong. If they are responsible enough to care for a dog, you can rest assured that they know how to take care of themselves...and their mates.

 

Men have long been aware that dogs may be the key to the heart. Puppies have always been used as the secret weapon in garnering the hearts of ladies (long before babies). What's good for the goose is good for the gander, after all, and you too can reap the romantic benefits of being a dog enthusiast. So go ahead, throw them a bone. Happy hunting!

 

© 2005 Rebecca Ash

 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

 

Rebecca Ash is a nomadic freelance writer and thespian. She lives with her husband and two mini dachshunds, Melody and Emma, in a domicile ruled by the iron paw of the fat feline Queen Bink. It is her dream to someday be able to support her shoe and bag fetish while still being able to pay the cable bill.