Fast Food Weight Loss Challenge

By Sharon Grehan-Howes

 

Inspired by that big mawed Subway hawker Jared, Celia Pratt our fashion editor thought it would be a hoot to dip a toe in the Health and Fitness pool and try a fast food experiment on her own. Our Health and Fitness editor Joan Dryden interviewed Celia Pratt in the very stylish HW office.

 

Joan: Celia tell me about your little experiment.

 

Celia: Well Joan- first off before we go any further do you mind removing that neck scarf? Your neck is so short it looks like your head is ready for harvesting.

 

Anyway, we took three fa... uh, "generously proportioned" (Gawd a person can't even open their mouth these days!) and had them pick their fave fast food franchise. We did a weigh in and then had them eat nothing but their fave for a whole month.

 

Joan: How did you monitor their progress, did you have a nurse or a doctor keep tabs?

 

Celia: No, they're interns so we just sent them home with a tablet of paper and a couple of 2Bs. We told them to keep a diary and come back in a month. But.... drumroll please (Gawd that's funny because this is going to be written down isn't it ?And how do you spell drrrrrrrrrrrrrr) here are the results!

 

Subject: Jane

 

Restaurant: Taco Bell

 

I was really looking forward to this. I've always loved Taco Bell and this seemed easy to follow. I stuck to their plain taco. Following Jared's example (he ate only one type of sub ) I thought I'd do the same and stick to the to the plain taco.

 

Diary Excerpts

 

Week One: So far so good! I found the tacos filling and satisfying. I had one for breakfast, one for lunch, one for dinner and one as a snack! A part of me feels like a naughty schoolgirl for being able to eat all this goodness!

 

Week Two: The lack of variety is getting to me so I change things around by leaving lettuce out of one and tomatoes out of another. The customer service reps won't do this for you, you have to do it yourself. Even though I come in three times a day and ask for exactly the same thing they never get the order right. So God forbid they should help me.

 

Week Three: I drank four packets of hot sauce just to see if my tongue still works.

 

Week Four: The song "Fascinatin' Rhythm" keeps going through my head and I've been throwing up since last Friday. I can't hold anything down I feel like I'm going to die. I I hadn't received my Visa bill I would be absolutely certain that I'm already dead and in hell.

 

Start Weight: 138

 

End Weight: 130

 

Total: 8 Lbs

 

Subject: Rachel

 

Restaurant: Pizza Hut

 

Love the 'za! I remember in college I practically lived on pizza, this is going to be great!

 

Diary Excerpts

 

Week One: Not bad at all. I've got a bit of heartburn and it's a little boring but no big whoop.

 

Week Two: I've tried every pizza they make and you know what? Every meal kind of tastes like dough with sauce and cheese. I really, really miss salad. And eggs. Boiled eggs, fried eggs, egg salad. Oh and fruit. I'd sell my sister's kidneys for an orange.

 

Week Three: I got up late this morning and I don't care. What's the point? I missed breakfast, I'm going to miss lunch on purpose and I don't care if I die before dinner. I just don't really care.

 

Week Four: My teeth are loose.

 

Start Weight: 121

 

End Weight: 114

 

Total: 7 Lbs

 

Subject: Michaela

 

Restaurant: KFC

 

My choice was KFC. Ever since I was a kid I loved this finger licking goodness. Although the menu is rather limited I just know that I will never, ever, ever get sick of the Colonel.

 

Diary Excerpts

 

Week One : Had a chicken sandwich for breakfast (Hold the mayo!) crispy wings for lunch and a three piece for dinner. Have I died and gone to heaven? Even my skin looks better! Everyone I've met has remarked upon my glow! My energy isn't great, but it hasn't been since they started airing Big Brother 4 three nights a week.

 

Week Two: The glow was actually chicken grease. Weird huh? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha . You wouldn't think grease would actually seep through your pores. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. I ate four days ago or today. Hahahahahaha.

 

Week Three: I had a dream a clown riding scissors was chasing me. He kept exposing himself and laughing maniacally--I tried to outrun him but he pinned me down and spat orange rind into my face. I woke up in a cold sweat and I still feel frightened.

 

Week Four: I haven't had a bowel movement in two weeks. I can't feel my feet and I punched a parking lot attendant. I hate you and the whole staff of HW. If I ever get better I will sue you and punish you for what you have done to me. I hate you I hate you I hate you.

 

Start Weight: 144

 

End Weight: 130

 

Total: 14 Lbs

 

Celia: Da da da dah! The winner is KFC!

 

Joan: From the diaries Michaela is just short of delirious, she hasn't had a bowel movement in weeks and can't feel her feet.

 

Celia: And she lost 14 pounds! KFC is clearly the best fast food diet choice.

 

Joan : I don't think that's right.

 

Celia Oh, it is. The entire fashion department took turns... what do you call it when you do that thing where you take away? Minusing?

 

Joan: Subtraction?

 

Celia: Yeah, and most of us came up with the same result! Michaela lost 4 - 8 pounds more than Jane and a lot more than Rachel!

 

Joan: But Michaela was not getting the recommended daily dose of...well anything.

 

Celia. Uh, yeah well she didn't learn how to render herself invisible either.

 

Joan: Pardon?

 

Celia: She didn't learn how to become invisible, she didn't learn how to fly, she didn't cure cancer - she lost 12 pounds! What do you want out of diet! She lost 12 pounds!

 

Joan: Yes, but all of the women seemed to have lost the weight because they stopped eating.

 

Celia: Absolutely and there is a lesson to be learned here.

 

Joan: That variety is essential and that the best way to lose weight is to reduce portions eat a balanced diet and exercise?

 

Celia: Huh, that's funny, no we were thinking if we knew then what we know now we could've saved a ton of money on take-out.

 

© Sharon Grehan-Howes