Est. 2000 (A.D.)

How to Lose all your Pregnancy Weight in a Week

All the beauties in Hollywood are doing it - You can too!

 

By Debra B. Marino

 

Here is the diet for you. Have you just given birth? As in yesterday? Tired of those extra pounds? Well here are a few tips that can help you look even better than you did before you were pregnant. They say nine months up and nine months down? Nonsense. If you follow these simple rules, you will look fabulous and slim before the colostrum runs out.

 

A. How Soon Can You Start Working Out After Delivering a Baby?

 

 

That depends on whether you have delivered vaginally or had a C-section. If you have had a C-section, there's no need to wait. Use that incision as an incentive for a healthy and new type of work out. Just remove the tape over the incision, even though it is there to hold your lower and upper body together. If you don't remove the tape, your tight gym shorts won't fit properly, and isn't that what matters? Be sure to take an extra dosage of your pain medication that day, because it will feel like giving birth all over again, but worse. Start with the small stuff, such as sit-ups. By the way, do you know that after a C=section you practically lose the use of your lower abdominal muscles for a few weeks? Don't worry, have your husband (who is more than glad that men weren't born with a uterus) hoist you up and down with a rope to tighten those abs…those abs...they're under there somewhere…hey, what's the worst that can happen? Your six inch incision pops open but have you heard, there's a fabulous new glue sold at Home Depot that will close that opening right back up.

 

Delivered vaginally? Even better….sure, you are a little bit sore, can't walk or urinate but no need to wait..just get on the stationary bike and start peddling. You may only be able to do it for a short time without screaming in pain, about 1 1/100th of a millisecond but hey, how else will that weight come off?

 

 

 

B. Should I Stop Eating Hershey's Bars and Ice Cream Immediately After Delivery?

 

 

Absolutely Not. Why end something that has brought so much joy into your life. After all, you'll automatically lose 10-15 pounds when the baby comes out. So there is still room for the good stuff. No need to stop automatically. I suggest that you wean yourself off the sweets. For instance, instead of three chocolate bars a day, just have two and a half. Try that for the first 6 weeks post partum. Gradually give up a half of a bar every 6 weeks. With ice cream, only give up a spoonful per week because your body has come to depend on it. After all, your body has been through a tremendous shock. Why make it take more than it can handle?

 

C. Should I Drink Plenty of Water?

 

 

 

It may work for the stars, but really, your body has just been swollen with fluids for almost ten months! Isn't water the last thing it wants? I suggest that you stay away from water or anything wet for that matter. Try letting the chocolate mentioned above melt, and drink it like it's a fluid. This way, your body will not go into shock without the foods it is so used to, and you can also provide yourself with a flavorful drink at the same time.

 

©2003 Debra B. Marino

 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

 

Debra Marino is a 32 year old happily married woman with a beautiful five month old daughter. She is also a full time matrimonal litigation attorey in New Haven. Connecticut. emailaddress: vindeblauren@yahoo.com

 

 

 

DISCLAIMER: This is a parody of women's magazines so don't come crying to us if you starved to death on one of our diets or you took out your liver by mistake. Unless otherwise noted all material © 2000 - 2022 Sharon Grehan-Howes ( aka Sharon Jeffcock ) Happy Woman Magazine All Rights Reserved