Age-Defying Secrets of the Stars!

 

 

By Amani Redd

 

 

Jennifer Aniston ensures she only breathes the purest air by not allowing anyone in the room to exhale in her presence.  She also has servants perform stressful tasks for her, such as changing channels with the TV remote and picking up things that have dropped to the floor.

 

Kate Winslet keeps her porcelain complexion by re-creating her harrowing scene from Titanic.  “I jump into a frigid ocean and cling to an old door for a few hours.”  The coldness of the water really whitens my skin, and all the adrenalin from getting rescued from near death brings a rosy glow to my cheeks.”

 

Teri Hatcher moisturizes with oil from a rare, nearly extinct flower in the Himalayas.  “It’s endangered, so you know it’s good,” she recently said.

 

Scarlett Johanssen is actually a robot.

 

Madonna bathes in the tears of ex-lovers.  The fiftysomething entertainer has been collecting men’s tears since 1986.  For a special treat, she mixes the tears with mud to make a very effective, very vengeful facial mask.

 

Goldie Hawn knows that a woman’s hair is her crown.  “The right hairdo makes all the difference.  Get a stylist who knows how to hide your wrinkles and crow’s feet with your feet.”  Hawn’s bangs are currently at her chin.  We’re actually not sure that was Goldie Hawn we spoke with.  Could’ve been Cousin It.

 

 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

 

 Amani Redd a freelance comedy writer in Los Angeles who has written for Real Time with Bill Maher. She wishes every political campaign were as entertaining as a Kate Hudson rom-com.

 

© 2012 Amani Redd