DIY Human Cloning

Designer Genes!

 

By Sharon Grehan-Howes

 

If you're tired of giving your children up for adoption just because of their looks, this do-it-yourself project is just the ticket!

 

What to do first:

 

• Ovulate
  
  
• Scout out shopping malls and gyms for very good looking people. (This is usually where they congregate).
  
  
• When you see the perfect specimen go up very close and scratch them. The arm is good but the inside of the mouth is perfect--it's just harder to do without them noticing.
  
  
• Preserve the tissue under your fingernails.
  
  
• Remove your unfertilized egg and remove all genetic material.
  
  Tip: It is best to do this at home and not at the mall. (You may also need a magnifying glass and a lab.)
  
  
• Remove the nucleus from the good-looking donor's cell and place it next to the egg.
  
  
• Force a tiny spark of electricity across the two by scuffing your feet repeatedly on a nylon carpet. The two cells will then fuse.
  
  
• Once the fertilized egg grows to 50 to 100 cells, implant the embryo in a woman's womb. (You, or perhaps your housekeeper, but it is just plain courteous to tell them in advance).
  
  
• The egg thinks it's been fertilized and gets a full set of genes, it divides and becomes an identical twin!!

 

Voila!!!!

 

Note:There has been some concern that when cloning, the chromosomes could match the age of the donor. for example a 10 year old would look like a 20 year old and a 20 year old would look like a 40 year old, as a result, the potential for cancer and heart disease increases will increase.

 

If that does happen, it's probably best just to use the bundle of joy for spare parts.

 

Wasn't that fun?