JULY 5TH

Happy Birthday to me. This will be the best year yet! I know I said that last year and I got fired from job, dumped by Andy and evicted from my  apartment, but this year is going to be different!

 

 

All I have to do is make some changes.

 

BIG CHANGES.

 

 

 First, I’ve got to take a long unbiased look at myself.

 

PROS

 

• Not fat

• Not old

• Kind

• Unselfish

• Extraordinarily intelligent. IQ well over 100. Probably in the top 1%. Probably would excel in any profession*

• Extremely talented also. Probably in the top 1% I can act, sing, dance, write and paint! **

 

CONS

 

• Not skinny

• Too kind

• Too unselfish

 

* I was talking to Christine about this and she suggested I look into Dunning Kruger, which is nice but I really am not interested in going into law.

 

** I just found this out! My local bar was having a painting night and out of all the moons peeking through all of the palm trees, mine was the biggest!

 

 

 

So.  My positive qualities obviously outweigh my negative ones.

 

 So why aren’t I where I’m supposed to be?

 

I thought at this age  I’d be a movie star or have my own clothing line or at the very least my own hit radio show. I would be married with maybe 1.5 kids, a nanny, a nice house and a gorgeous adoring husband with a boob job.

 

I’d have the boob job obviously, not him.

 

Instead I live in a one bedroom apartment above a store in a neighbourhood that has been labelled up and coming since 1940, I work for my mother’s boyfriend importing Precious Moment knockoffs called Tender Tales.  I don’t have any kids or even a boyfriend. Actually, I’m running out of friends too. Two of my best friends aren’t even talking to me (which is not my fault really. If you value coffee tables more than you value friendship then perhaps you shouldn’t get a glass one Christine and PS I offered to replace it, just not with the same one.  And Jenny? If you want people to respect your porch swing don’t overserve your guests and put the bathroom so close to the front door.)

 

So yes, I’ve got to make some changes.

 

But where to start?