AUGUST 4

 

I can't believe that I miss my mother calling me. Ever since she and Mr. Van Heusan started philandering she has no use for me anymore.  I kind of got used to her calling and crying or vice versa. Mostly vice versa, but I'm not going to tell her that because she goes mental at any kind of intimacy. She doesn't shy away from it she grabs it and strangles it to death.

 

In the fifth grade we had to write a letter to our mother for Mother's Day. The teacher suggested we tell our mothers how much we appreciate and love them.

 

She handed out examples of a note she wrote her mother when she was young. I copied it word for word and gave it to my mother.

Three weeks of quality time, mother and daughter outfits, shopping trips---it was awful. We just aren't cut out for gooey relationships they just don't fit.

But, I kind of miss hearing the ice cubes in her drink tinkle and her theatrical sighs.

Maybe I'll get a ferret.

Oh, well tomorrow I'll see Sam!!!

 

AUGUST 5

I didn't see Sam on the way in or the way out even though I left four times!

 

That kind of bummed me out. We got a couple of hang up calls during the day which made me hopeful--maybe it was him and when he heard my crazy mother he hung up? That shyness thing? Is our telephone number on the door? It should be.

 

I watched a workout tape all the way through tonight.  It was exhausting.

 

AUGUST 8

 

I have no way of knowing if I'm PMS-ing or just really depressed. I am never sufficiently organized to remember my cycle I just know it starts when I'm wearing white pants.

 

Work is weird, Sam has disappeared, the apartment is lonely, Workout videos are stupid.

 

I don't even want a ferret anymore.

 

 

AUGUST 10

 

 

Oh my God! I dragged myself home from work and I was still feeling pretty down. I had a bath and changed into a track suit.

 

I ate a Lean Cuisine and 3 hotdogs and was debating whether or not it was worth a dollar to vote Curtis off Big Brother just to get him to stop whinnying when I heard a crashing sound outside my window on the balcony/fire escape.

I peeked out of the curtains and there was Sam! I rushed to the window but he disappeared down the stairs. He was walking away really fast but I know it was him. I was going to go after him but the track suit makes me look like a hockey mom.

 

I ran into the bedroom, changed and dashed out the front door but he was gone.

 

Oh man, I just felt the depression lift.

 

I feel hope again!!!!

 

AUGUST 13

 

It's true, the world loves a lover. Although I'm technically not anyone's lover at least there's hope.

 

Mom and Mr.Van Heusan look kind of cute to me now. The way they exchange coy glances and his hand lingers too long on hers when he "accidentally" touches her.

 

I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen him smile. He's got a kind of Bob Newhart face so when he smiles it's such a change it's like someone repositioned his nose.

 

Mom is changing right before my eyes. Working here has given her some kind of strength and I think she has discovered something in Mr. Van Heusan than she loves more than herself.

 

Money.

 

OK maybe some companionship but it’s really hard to have a role in this world when my mother is starring.

 

I didn't see Sam on the way in, but----maybe tonight!!!!!

 

I'll be ready this time.