AUGUST 18

 

I was going out of my mind with boredom.  I tidied a bit and did a bit of decoupage. I didn't really mean to do decoupage but I was painting my toenails, knocked over a bottle of polish and the TV Guide stuck to it.

 

To be honest diary, I really had a feeling that Sam would call or stop by.

 

I was so sure that when I got home from work, I did my hair and put on some make up but unfortunately he was a no show. He must be more frightened of rejection than I am.

 

I'd love to be able to just tell him "Hey it's Ok, I feel the same way" but I haven't had the chance and that is so frustrating.

 

I opened a bottle of wine, and then another one and fell asleep while I was sorting shoes in my hall closet.

 

 

AUGUST 19

 

Oh man it pays to be prepared!!!

 

Even though I was deathly hungover I got up at 9:00, dragged myself out of the closet fixed my makeup and smoothed the carpet creases on my face. .I was still wearing the clothes from last night but that was OK because i don't think I moved a muscle all night,

 

I opened the window to release the stale air and…

 

Sam!!

 

He saw me and he started to sprint away but I called out to him "Hey! It's nice to see you!!" That is amazing for me because I'm usually trying to be so casual about everything I don't often say something nice and spontaneous.

 

He looked really shy and puzzled as he accepted my invitation for coffee. and crawled through the window.

 

I was so excited and nervous I just blabbed and blabbed.  Paul (that's his name: Paul Welton--isn't that a great name!! Way better than Sam) Paul is very shy. I can see it's going to be a while before he opens up.

 

But as my mother always says, opposites attract!

 

I told him that I knew he had been following me and he looked absolutely freaked, but then I told him that it was all right. I kind of lost him talking about Victorian novels and everything, but after a while everything went back on track.

 

It is so hard to actually live a moment you imagined. In your head.  Things move so much quicker in your head.. If we were keeping imagination time, Paul and I would have spent the afternoon trying on hats in the Kensington Market, then we’d take a picnic over to the island.

 

We would take the ferry home just as the sun was setting. We probably would have done a whole lot of kissing on the island but the big deep whammo kiss probably would happen as we were watching the sun go down. Weak kneed we would stumble back to my place...

 

But in real life, we just had coffee and I walked him to the bus stop. He didn't want me to-probably didn't want to put me out-but I went anyway.

 

I gave him my number and I thought maybe we were having a moment, you know, a pre-kiss moment but the bus came. Dang!

 

I spent the rest of the day replaying our conversation in my head. It's odd but I can only hear me talking. He must have said something other than his name but for the life of me I can't remember what it was.

 

I'm not going to worry about it though. The point is he was following me. Not the other way around.

 

And that’s a nice change.