The perfect Happy Woman's afternoon:

Repair Your own Transmission and make 3 1/2 dozen Maple Butter Cookies!

 

By Sharon Grehan-Howes

 

 

 

What you will need:

 

• Tools, lots of them.
• Transmission System
• Valve Body Recalibration Kit
• Super Pump
• Torque Converter
• thread-locking compounds,
• transmission assembly-lube,
• and a supply of high-quality automatic transmission fluid or some mineral oil.
• (1 cup) or 2 sticks unsalted butter
• (1/4 cup) sugar 5 ml
• (1 tsp) maple extract or flavoring
• (1/4 cup) firmly packed brown sugar
• pinch of salt
• 1 large egg yolk
• (2 & 1/4) cups all-purpose flour
• Red and green decorator sugars, frosting or blanched whole almonds

 

 

Preheat oven to 175°C (350°F) degrees.

 

Raise your car--do not attempt to do this yourself cars are very heavy. You will probably need a jack or two.

 

Clean any yucky stuff from the exterior of the transmission using a spray-on degreaser or some Fantastik.

 

Allow the transmission to cool off and drain the transmission fluid (the car should be turned off)

 

Remove the transmission, it is the big thing underneath the car.

 

So that you may reattach them correctly, mark all of the cables and linkages etc. We like post-its and smiley labels.

 

Try to separate the hardware so that you know which bolt goes where, but if you get mixed up just guess.

 

Nip back to the kitchen and Beat cream butter, sugar, maple extract, brown sugar, salt and egg yolk with electric mixer until smooth. Gradually beat in flour. Wrap in plastic wrap; refrigerate for 1 hour.During this time, the flavors blend and develop, bringing out the butter flavor of the dough,

 

Remove the torque converter. It 's the thing that looks rather like the back of an alarm clock only bigger.

 

So that the old transmission fluid can drain out, put the torque converter upside down on top of a bucket. Make sure the bucket is smaller than than the torque converter or it will repeatedly fall in.

 

Disassemble the transmission try to remember where everything goes. We find jolly songs are great memory triggers. Songs like "the hip bone's connected to the knee-bone" but since a transmission does not have a hip bone you will probably have to change the lyrics.

 

Remove all the old gaskets and seals, and throw them in the dishwasher.

 

You will need a very clean area to reassemble the transmission. Depending on what kind of housekeeper you are, the living room or the kitchen floor usually good bets.

 

Take a peek and if you spot any, worn or damaged parts reinforce them with glue or replace them with tape.

 

You will have to replace all of the bushings in the transmission. You will need a special tool but a toothbrush might come in handy. (Be careful to rinse it thoroughly before you use it again!)

 

Reassemble the transmission. You will be glad you took the time to write that song.

 

Lubricate all the new seals.

 

Coat all friction materials with new clean automatic transmission fluid before you assemble.

 

Use a torque wrench and tighten all hardware to the manufacturers specifications and if you don't have the specs do your best.

 

Recalibrate the valve body for the type of application you need if you don't know what that means go onto the next step.

 

Install the modified valve body to the transmission.

 

Find the transmission's input shaft and place the torque converter which has been filled with automatic transmission fluid. There are a few sets of thingamajigs that have to engage so you may find rotating the converter helps.

 

Flush-out the transmission oil-cooler lines.

 

Roll out dough on lightly floured surface to 3 mm (1/8 inch) thickness. ( You may want to wash your hands) Cut into desired shapes using holiday cookie cutters. Place on lightly greased cookie sheets. Sprinkle with decorator sugars, or press almonds into center of cookies. Bake for 12 to 15 minutes.

 

Install the transmission and add automatic transmission fluid, start the engine and take it for a test drive. Be sure to remove the jack(s) first.

 

If anything falls out or the car won't go, push it over a cliff or embankment. (Only do this if you are insured).

 

Take the cookies out of the oven, allow them to cool and voila!!!! That's all there is to it!

 

 

©2003 Sharon Grehan-Howes

 

Thanks to Gerard Rainier for the Transmission how to's!