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EST. May 2000 (AD)

 
 

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Diary of Mrs. Claus

By Sharon Grehan-Howes

December 1

Same thing every year. I don't know why he insists on leaving everything until the last minute. It's certainly not as if they change the date each year. I get so sick of him running around in a panic. Perhaps if he spent a little less time golfing and a little more time working he wouldn't be in this predicament but he doesn't listen. Sometimes I feel invisible. I understand his career means everything to him but I think our marriage is starting to suffer.

My yoga classes at the YMCA are going very well. They also are offering a Zumba class that I might join.

December 3

I've been following that diet I clipped out of Good Housekeeping "Slim Down for the Season" and so far so good! I've lost two pounds this week!

For dinner tonight I prepared a chef salad with a vinegar and lemon dressing, a side of skinless broiled chicken and two tomato slices.

Nick finished it without a word of complaint and I was delighted!

I should have known better.

In the middle of the night I heard such a clatter, I ran from my bed... well, you know. Anyway I looked in the kitchen and there he was sitting in the dark, stuffing himself.

Honestly! The man has no self-control! He polished off a bag of Nilla wafers, a can of cocktail sausages and half a jar of olives. I was so angry.

I am very concerned about him. He's very flushed and short of breath. I took out his suit and it looks like I'm going to have to let it out at least three inches!

He says it's muscle, and I said "Well I hope you plan to lift the presents with your stomach." .

December 5

Nick hired two new elves today as management consultants and he is very excited. Balthazar and Roofie used to work at Keebler and are proponents of the "Force Field Analysis" technique. They've been studying the workshop all week and taking notes.

My Zumba class is quite strenuous! My muscles are aching but I am seeing results. I'm sure my bottom is firmer.

December 7

Well that's it. Rudolph just pawed through my seasonal planter.. He has miles and miles of lichen around but he has to head straight for the 49.00 planter.

It broke my heart to see everything uprooted. I confronted Rudolph and he denied it.

He is such a liar.

December 10

The mailman was quite nasty this morning as he unloaded the bags I distinctly heard him say "you folks ever hear of email?" Well, he can mutter all he wants but let's see his face when it's time to tip.

I had my colours done and I was shocked to find out I was an Autumn! All these years I was sure I was a Winter.

December 12

What with my yoga classes, Zumba and my reading group I just don't seem to have the time this year to bake. Nick considers himself a connoisseur of cookies which is a big laugh because the only thing he is picky about is quantity. I put Chips Ahoy out on a tray and he didn't even know the difference.

I'm thinking of getting contacts.

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